I'm a Monster

I did it again... I'm not fit to be my dear boy mother... I'll get my punishment in hell for hurting him :'(  I'm so sorry my darling for hurting you but I swear I didn't do it on purpose... this is what your weak mummy can say to you for hurting you until you bleed (unintentionally). I'm a bad mother... it's not a good excuse I know but I have to blame it on my hormone and useless migraine which attacked me every month and giving me lots of problems. It affected my day whenever my PMS comes... I feel bad about my boy for having such useless & irresponsible mother like me... I wonder how can I set a good example to him & how can I teach him to be a loving person sedangkan his mother behaving like a monster???

Dear Lord, please help me to change to be a better person especially a better mother to my dear child. I hate myself. In Jesus name I pray, Amen.   

I Won't Give Up

Recently, I've discovered a great song while I was shopping in a clothing shop. It's a great piece of work by Jason Mraz! I'm loving all the words in the song. He puts it so well & I'm so moved by his song... It's like he sang my thoughts! Below was his beautiful piece of work i.e. lyrics. I can't get enough of listening to it... hahahah!

   I Won't Give Up - by Jason Mraz

When I look into your eyes
It's like watching the night sky
Or a beautiful sunrise
There's so much they hold
And just like them old stars
I see that you've come so far
To be right where you are
How old is your soul?

I won't give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I'm giving you all my love
I'm still looking up

And when you're needing your space
To do some navigating
I'll be here patiently waiting
To see what you find

'Cause even the stars they burn
Some even fall to the earth
We've got a lot to learn
God knows we're worth it
No, I won't give up

I don't wanna be someone who walks away so easily
I'm here to stay and make the difference that I can make

Our differences they do a lot to teach us how to use the tools and gifts we got 
Yeah, we got a lot at stake
And in the end you're still my friend, at least we did intend for us to work
We didn't break, we didn't burn
We had to learn how to bend without the world caving in
I had to learn what I've got, and what I'm not
And who I am.

I won't give up on us

Even if the skies get rough

I'm giving you all my love
I'm still looking up
Still looking up...

I won't give up on us
(No I'm not giving up)
God knows I'm tough, He knows
(I am tough, I am loved)
We've got a lot to learn
(We are alive, We are loved)
God knows we're worth it
(And were worth it)

I won't give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I'm giving you all my love
I'm still looking up...

The Most Wonderful Time of the Year

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas!  Fairy lights are already springing up in neighborhoods and shopping malls, red cups are grazing coffee shop counter tops, and that holiday warmth is in the air.  

One of my favorite things the approaching Christmas season is the familiar Christmas songs  e.g. Jingles bells, we wish you a merry christmas, Rudolf the red nose rain dear, etc. 

Why can't this time of year slow down a bit? Top of my wish list right now would be extra time every day. I can't even comprehend how crazy parents must fetheel during the holidays. 

 

Yikes! All we can do is try to embrace it and hopefully have a nice big glass of wine eggnog

at the end of the day, right?

Newbies Month

I finally finally FINALLY after much deliberation and research, purchased my new Canon camera, and the wait was worth it... the new Canon EOS M. Will bring my new toy to Disney;and Hong Kong this Christmas! Can't wait! (^____^)

On the other hand, last month my hubby bought me my long long awaited gifts (been drooling for it for almost 10 years now) rolex watch and a channel handbag. I'm totally ecstatic and still cant feel the "high" now! hahaha..... Total damages? It's more then X0,000. This is a very precious gifts (of course many more) & I'll cherish them forever. (^______^)Y

Thank you hubby for the lovely presents & I love you very much! Muaks! 

On the other hand, my hubby also got himself gifts... He bought the Samsung Galaxy hp (despite his iphone 4 is still working well) and a Zara shoe. And he never just stop there, he's planning to get himself a new wallet (saying the thread at the side is coming off) and new laptop. He's still searching high and low for the "one" he likes.  So it's not just me who got presents! ha ha...

p/s: Dear, remember you still owe me a BMW & a semi-D... and a bb girl (??)  So, what are you still sitting there, go start to work hard from now!

Since Christmas just around the corner, here's to wishing all my readers a very happy Merry Christmas. Wishing all your dreams come true & hope you have a lovely time with your loved ones. xoxo

I'm A Terrible Mom

Today was almost perfect day for me and my boy until the "stupid-idiot-bitch" show up her fugly face!! I got to say that "they" really have all the bad aura and whenever I see "their" face,  I feel like give her face a punch & spit on her fugly face!!!! Such a "sui" person indeed!

I felt really bad after scolding & scaring my child today..... I don't know what got into me?? Normally I can control my temper no matter which evil I saw but today, I guess the stupid-evil get the best of me & I wasn't really using my brain!!! I felt really frustrated & angry now!

How can I be the loving mother to my child??? I was suppose to be there to support & protect him but I was hurting him physically & emotionally... (>____< )  What is wrong with me?!! For a moment there I suddenly can't control my emotion & wasn't really thinking! I'm really a terrible mother....

I know baby J that I'm not a good mother but please forgive me.... I promise to do better for u in the future... Please forgive me baby J... I'm so sorry. And dear Jesus, please grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change and the courage to change the things I can, & the wisdom to know the difference. In Jesus name I pray, Amen.

The Long Awaited Updates

I couldn't believe myself that I've been so lacking in updating my blog since March!!? What had happened to me? This is not like me at all (???)... and I've not been myself lately! I've forgot about God and I pray that God will please forgive all my sins. Evil had the best of me. I couldn't hold back... this is something I had to do for myself.  Or I was too weak & easily influenced by negative ppl around me. I don't know why I was so easily influenced by negative ppl may be I was being "jampi"???? It could be.... or maybe my faith in God have not been strong lately. It  could be both.

Anyway, I have to gathered myself back & become the cheerful & bubbly lady I once was. All those negative & evil ppl are here & will always here to bring you down! It's up to you on how you want to look at the "glass". I admit I hv not been using the wisdom that God poured into me...... I'm too weak. Easily influenced! 

From today onwards, what has been said is said & what have been done is done!

I will still fight the evil to the end & will not let them influenced my mood so easily! I should laugh when ppl do bad things to me & then say "You will get your punishment from God." I'll let God handle all those bad & evil ppl from now on... 

Time Flies

I know I've been a slack lately... A lot of things had happened both good  and bad but mostly bad things more than good things!  For some reasons, I do not like to blog when I'm unhappy. I tried not to dwell on the bad things which already passed but it seemed like the bad luck is keep haunting me lately (if I'm not wrong since CNY!!!).

Sigh!......... 

How I wish I have the power to change things.... If Only!

But then again.... I'm not God, and I'm not as good as God. 

Finally, I got my house painted. Although not entirely what I preferred, but at least I did it at last! I'm glad although things doesn't turned out that well (choosing the colour makes me feel dizzy). But hey, we spend a fortune on painting it and it looks brand new now... which makes some "crazy-neighbour" feel jealous about you and your house.

 Also, I don't care what other people think... who cares! That's not my own house... heheh... *being a little mischievous!* I'll do what I like! Mind your own business!!! For some reasons I don't know why why why I always being bullied by next door neighbour (esp those who stay on the left). May be those who stay on the left has more time thus nothing better to do than to poke their nose into my business!Now, I will not give face & will fight whoever comes into my way!

Another Advancement

I do not know why I've always met with a busybody cum small people as neighbour??? I've been asking this questions to myself too many times & I've asked my hubby too... Still, we can't find a rational answer!

Maybe God wants to tell me something... that in this world there will be a lot of small people like this, who loves to snoop around your back & black mouth you! Through my expericence dealing with "small people", they behave that way it's because they are very jealous about you. They just couldn't say it direct at your face that they are jealous of you. So, what they do? They gossip behind you!

Now, thanks to God, I felt that I'm more mature in deling with this kind of people. And thanks to God for giving me the courage & wisdom in dealing with people this this.

Even though, I'm still disturbed & angry at this small people who tired to bring me or my family down, this does not bothered me as much as before! :) I'm glad to say this... I still smile, I still laugh and I still standing tall... Because I know God is watching over me.

I'm not scared to be confront by small people because small people does not like confrontation. They do not know how to react...

Those people who have black heart will have their "balasan" soon from God... The thing I need to do now is sit back & watch. God will know what to do with these people.

Happy - No So Happy - Valentine's Day

Happy valentine's day to y'all! Wishing you'll have a lovely time with your loved ones today. Why I said not so happy it's because my "hopeless" hubby didn't even wish me in the morning but annoyed me with his nonsense attitude. What's more as usual, no present prepared! (-___-)

Me, on the other hand, started training my boy on potty while we were out this morning. So far so good. Will have to see if he could adapt this longer. Wish us all the best. ^^

Care to Celebrate

Does anyone looking forward to celebrate valentine's day this year? Not just Valentine's day, any day?? I know, I don't. This was mainly because my hubby never appreciate the day nor the meaning to both of us. Now I truly understand why some married couple will grow apart. Not only the hubby didn't understand the wife's needs they just simply take things for granted!!!!

Like the wife will always be there to be their slave! I really feel sorry and sad for the hundreds of married women out there who once believe that they've been married good! In fact, they married a shit!!!! A shit, who doesn't give a shit!

How I envy, those man who bought their wife's gift (I'm not referring to any gift). A gift that will put a smile to their wife's face & they feel special! That's I call it a gift. Not those "junk" which their husband consider as present. Later, what does the wife do with the "junk"?!!

If only dear Lord grant me my wish...