Half Empty

I'm feeling very frustrated today... I feel that my life after my returned from UK has not been smooth sailing... it has been like living in the HELL! Maybe I married the wrong guy... I've been having this thought in my mind lately. I don't know why he is just like everyones' else husband... the typical "china-malaysian made man" type of husband... which no wonder why more and more women are looking for husband else where... They are the "toh-sui" typical type of husband who:

1. came from a poor family. I hv nothing against if you are poor but I've never seen anyone which is poor and have an egoistic attitude and still never change to become better in your future life???? Your attitude is everything....!

2. have a "ji-bai kuan" mother who also the typical type of "ah soh" where you see in malaysia wet market - talk so loud until your next next door neighbour also can hear clearly & she has the typical thick-skin-big-mouth bitch! Somemore fat!

3. have a very selfish siblings who likes to compare " why he can have that and I can't have it" (even that thing they do not need it) and "who is better spender than the other" but one thing they never fight - who should do the household chores?

4. have they typical "lan-jiao kuan" father who couldn't be bothered at all anout anything... even better, just think that he is dead... transperant... air.... and who likes to talk-cock-sing-song all day long! he'll never get bored of it.... and have the typical zombie look... but empty inside!!!!!

5. Worst behaniour in a family - Likes to bad-mouth and gossip behind the person but act friendly in front of each other !!! this is the steryotype of toh-sui family!

After all the above, you take a deep breath & say to yourself "okay, but I think I can change those bad things in my hubby and have a better life with him in the future. He can make change for good." which was very very wrong of me!!! I'm being naive to think that at that time.... He told me that he likes children but then again you will see his real meaning when it comes to the real thing.

1. He told me that I waste a lot of his time in going to see the CM doctor

2. He told me that it is very expensive to go there for the insulin drop (for strengthen the womb) - RM130 to save a life, do you think it is worth it?

3. when he is at the clinic, while waiting outside for our turn, he just sit there staring at his PC or hp (like if he misses reading one email he will lost RM1mil) or novel/comic book (wonder away in his own la-la-land) and don't even bothered whether issit his turn or where is the wife?

4. When we were inside the doc office, he will just sit there and look at the doc... you wonder if he is counting the doc's eyelashes or hair (???). Wasting my time to wait outside for so long and in the end he has nothing useful to ask the doc.

5. The REAL test come when he knew I was pregant (at very early stage) and the doctor asked me to rest more and have to go for treatement... he still say to me that he wanted to go oversea for business trip... Here, you will see how serious he is in wanting this baby. To him, spending some time with his wife taking care of her or accompany her is a waste os time. In the end, you thought he has earned many millions but the truth is none of the above!! This will show how serious hs is in becoming someone's dad. Just like the saying goes - "Like his father and him..." Ignorant & selfish bastrad!!!!

6. During the 2 weeks, I was worried that the HCG hormone will not be suffuceint for the baby to develop so I use the preganacy test to see if it is normal and he said to me "do you know this is expensive? no need to test so many time.." I only test forthnightly...or when I sense something was wrong insede me... coz I'm worried. The test only cost RM13.80 to give me a peace of mind. Do you think this is expensive??? And he cannot help me with anything at all...

7. And and sure that those husband who has a preganant wife knows that your wife hormone will fluctuate quite a bit during the period (not you intentionally want it to happened) and will do everyhting to keep her mood calm and happy. BUT this "toh-sui kia" is different, he will go against whatever I say to him and he will make me angry... bad mood... feel like shit!!! And you can see in his face that he feels happy that you are not happy.

8. Not even house chores he is willingly helping to do a bit without me asking him to. He will as usual sleep very late (1am onwards) and wake up at 10am... then bath and go out to work. So basically, there is no breakfast when I wake up at 8am and have to wait till 10.30am - 11sih am to have my breakfast.

9. Dinner is worst, I have to wait till he comes home.... that will never the same time.... during the 2 weeks even worst!!!... purposely come back at 8sih pm (make appointment to meet at 6pm - duh!!!) and then we finished dinner it will be at about 9.30pm. He will say he need to attend this meeting and don't even bothered if you are in hunger... he wants you to wait for him so that he can feel that he is so "wei ta"! He will told you just grab whatever and eat first, but the truth is what is there that I can to eat?????

10. After all the above, it is not just it, you have to put up with his SNORING!!!!!! I told him to get treatment with the CM doc or follow a routine exercise to keep his breating at peace but he just do not want to listen....

I guess that's why suddenly Jesus took my son away... HE knew someone was not ready (yet) to commit himself... emotionally nor logically.

In the end of the day, you will wonder what did I do to deserve this bastard????? I rather Jesus just take my life away than just wasting it here aching my heart to see the ugly side of him. My life so unproductive and meaning-less! I'm so tired of all these nonsense.........!!!!