Another Disappointing Nite

I would be lying to you if I tell you that I'm happy with my life now. I'm afraid if I don't let it out now I will become insane!!! >_<''' If you are my frequent reader, you will noticed that from my past blogging I have had so many disappointing moments... which all leads to one person. This person is too arrogant and sloppy. He refueses to change and gives a lot of excuses! Nevertheless, he ignores all the advise his wife has been telling him. And it's now back to square one, after all the efforts and time and money! It's exactly one year now I've been getting help from my gyne and all he did was complaining that he has no money for my medication & no time to send me to see the doc & he is very very busy with meetings!

For once again, I am very disappointed... this is the first disappointment and the bloody new year just began for only 29 days not even a month yet. I really do not know how many more disappointments I have to face later this year. I'm devasted with how things are at the moment. My hubby just don't care to improve our current situation and it looks like I'm the only one who is actively seeking improvement in life. All the things which I jot down here and said to him were all just a JOKE for him. Why he is not mature enough to see all these??? I have to say I'm started to loose confidence in him... looks like he is the one who are not co-operating!!! What more can I say apart from he is really an arrogant and sloppy person just like his mother & father!

I can see that the history is going to repeat itself... all the idiotic scene which happened in this f***ing family he is going to make it happended to our family too!!! I started to wonder why I ever married this kid??? He is just like a child which never going to grow up anyway... and he's going to cry out running to his mom whenever things happened..... WHY ON EARTH I MARRIED AN IDIOT???

I really doubt my decision now... I regret. I regret for so many things to happened in my life... which I did for one person... & which my effort is not recognised at all by this person and it was just ashes now.... it was blown away by the wind just like that. All my dreams were gone! :'(

Always I hear this saying "count your blessings"... but in fact, I just realised I don't have many blessings to count on, & God help those who help themselves (???)... well I did get help and I tried to do better each day. BUT there this idiot who are standing on my way to get better... get a better life... better health... better mood... He is the one who has made me moody all the time! and the worst is when he knew that he has made me unhappy he felt very happy himself after that. I knew it deep down in his heart. It was like a POISION in him to see me be unhappy. I knew it! He is the reason why I'm so moody and unhappy all the time.... nothing seemed to make me more unhappy than him! I give up dear Lord... I don't know how far my patient will go this time...... :(

Fate

Have someone ever tell you that it was your fate/destiny in life? Yup! I have. I'm not sure if some of you out there believe in fate but I do. If it was meant to be, it will be and if it's not, then it's not. No matter how hard to try to avoid the incident to happen, eventually it will happened no later or sooner... I know it sounds creepy but this is the fact. Nobody can change his/her destiny unless you are God.

This crazy incident happened in a shopping mall recently where I was trying to avoid a contact with a "crazy dude" which was doing some kind of event on that day. When I found out that the event that he was doing was just around the shops where I normally go I sacrifies not going in the shop even though it has sale... and I take the extra mile to walk to the other shops which I want to go.

And the funny things was, no matter how hard I tried to avoid this person, eventually we met face-to-face... I was walking towards the directions he was walking from. How weird is that!!!! Then later on, we didn't even meet at all in the same floor when I walk to the shop where his event was near???!

This has happened to me for more than once... +_+

Endless Worries

Today after I've made my hubby breakfast & do my housework, I decided to go online to find out about my ovum. Guess what I found that's right spot to my questions on what happened to my last year Oct. Although I roughly have found an answer for my problem but this message was spot right on. Below is the answer to my question.

What cuases blighten ovum?

Answer:
A blighted ovum is a cause of early pregnancy loss. It occurs when a fertilized egg develops a placenta and membrane but no embryo — often due to chromosomal abnormalities in the fertilized egg. A blighted ovum usually occurs in the first few weeks of pregnancy, often before a woman even knows she's pregnant.

With a blighted ovum, a woman may miss a period and have a positive pregnancy test. This is because the placenta secretes human chorionic gonadotropin (HCG), a pregnancy hormone. Symptoms of early pregnancy — such as fatigue and breast tenderness — are possible as well. But when the placenta stops growing and hormone levels decrease, the pregnancy symptoms subside. At this point, minor abdominal cramping and light spotting or bleeding are possible. An ultrasound will show an empty gestational sac.

A blighted ovum eventually results in miscarriage. Some women choose to wait for the miscarriage to happen naturally, while others take medication to trigger the miscarriage. In some cases, a procedure called dilation and curettage (D and C) is used to remove the placental tissues.

Most women who've had a blighted ovum go on to have successful pregnancies. If you experience multiple consecutive miscarriages, you might consider testing to identify any underlying causes.

Happy Valentine's Day

I had my hair cut today. Just feel like having a bit of change from the old me. Did you know that when I was young I never had my hair grow longer over my shoulder before... not evern once! Now that I can grow my hair as long as I like, I started to like my hair short instead... not very short but mid-length. I figured it's really easy to manged for I'm not that kind of women who will sit in her room make-up(-ing) for hours everyday. It's too tedious for me! I'm just the kind of lady who adores natural beauty... ins and outs! No overly done make-up or hairdo pleaseee!!!

As for my Valentine's Day, he didn't do anything special this year... but I did give my hubby a suprised present. I bought him a cuff link with his initial! :D Good idea rite? heheh... and he really likes it. I'm glad. But the sad thing is he didn't even prepare anything for me before hand. To be honest, he never suprised me on Valentine's day before. He never prepare to celebrate it with me on this special day. He said to him this is just another day and that we are not lovers anymore. Excuse me!!! We are not lovers anymore??? Then, where's the love??? Truely disappointed with him............. it's the thoughts that count for me.

Frankly, buying a present for a guy is harder than I thought... guy stuff is quite expensive... and sometimes you ran out of idea on what to buy for your guy. I don't like the old routine to buy the same stuff every year. Normally, I will see what's he needs or what's is useful to him then only I consider buying him the present. Cause guy is different from girl... I mean straight guy. They prefer things which is useful to them wherease girls prefer things which is useful too but in different ways! ;-) wink* wink* so hubby you still owe me two presents! Don't forget yaa....

Bored... *_*

I am bored at home, waiting for my hubby to come home so we can have lunch together I thought I would do this. Every question has to be answered in one word.

1. Where is your cell phone? table
2. Your significant other? working
3. Your hair? short
4. Your mother? comfort
5. Your father? annoying
6. Your favorite thing? travelling
7. Your dream last night? funny
8. Your favorite drink? coconut
9. Your dream/goal? babies
10. The room you’re in? reading-room
11. Your hobby? art
12. Your fear? snake
13. Where do you want to be in 6 years? house
14. What you’re not? mummy
15. Muffins? blueberry
16. One of your wish list items? babies
17. Where you grew up? Guildford
18. The last thing you did? kitchen
19. What are you wearing? t-shirt
20. Favorite gadget? Mac
21. Your pets? gone
22. Your computer? repair
23. Your mood? peaceful
24. Missing someone? hubby
25. Your car? old
'26. Something you’re not wearing? socks
27. Favorite store? clothes
28. Like someone? hubby
29. Your favorite color? fucshia
30. When is the last time you laughed? forgot
31. Last time you cried? yesterday

Have Faith

More bad news... It seems like my health is not only improving at a very slow rate it has caused me twice unsuccessful pregnancy... it doesn't even pass through the very early stage where the sperm and ovary met (?!??). I'm almost devastated when I hear the news from my doc. What else I can do apart from getting treatment from the TCM...? I don't want to go to the western doc... it's too risky for my health.

But I'm hopeful... I know God is with me all the time. He knew what I went through and He will give me all the courage and strength that I need to face all these obstacles in life. No matter what comes, I must stay happy and optimistic. For I'm thankful to God that I'm still alive and kicking! Even it was just a tiny hope, I wish that it will come true for me and my hubby sake.

Don't give up hope so easily... keep on fighting till the end. I must have faith in Lord Jesus.

More Patient

Looks like it's another disappointment after all.... another unsuccessful month. Last week while at the doc place, I encounter 2 friends who are pregnant this month. What a good news to hear from them... I really duno when it will be my turn? or I won't be as lucky as those ladies... I really duno how long my patient can last. It was really a very long and lonely wait.

Dear O'Lord, please bless us with children. In Jesus name we pray. Amen.

Period Due?

I really duno what to expect anymore... with my unstable health condition sometimes I really think I'm not suitable to be a mother. With the traumatic experience I once had is enough to put off the thinking that I may be pregnant again... ever again. Though it was just a brief period of pregnancy (some term it as chemical pregnancy), I felt the pain both physically (actual blood oozing out from my body) and emotionally. It's very hard for me to accept at first but then when I starting to accept the fact that I'm pregnant it was gone! This sadden me very deeply... although I didn't show it much to the people around me.

Somemore, my hubby is not that kind of "patient" type of husband nor father (this has also due to the "care-less" family history coming from his father)... I'm afraid that the history may repeat by itself like last time when I first expected but later on miscarriage. Part of the reason of the miscarriage were also due to my hubby being very "annoying" and "inconsiderate". He knew that I do not allow him to consume meat during his meal and nevertheless, he still testing my temper on him on that day (I can still remember it very clearly on that day at the chinese restaurant)... this is how the whole bleding, pain and miscarriage happened. All at once!!!...... I was terrified!!!

As you know, most preganat woment are very vulnarable at this early stage of pregnancy, their emotion are not stable like they used to be. Yet, some husband are not considerate enough to see through that. I blame it on him which give such little knowledge on how to care for your expecting wife. Not only they don't try to do anything to help ease the burden of their wife, but they add FIRE to their wife's burden making it a big DISASTER! In the end, both are looser.

Sigh* I do not mean to dwell on the past but this incident really had scared me very deeply and I'm afraid to face the situation again. I always admire those husbands who are understanding and caring enough to their wives. They give the right support to their wives. So they are the most happy couple I've always envy.