Another Disappointing Nite

I would be lying to you if I tell you that I'm happy with my life now. I'm afraid if I don't let it out now I will become insane!!! >_<''' If you are my frequent reader, you will noticed that from my past blogging I have had so many disappointing moments... which all leads to one person. This person is too arrogant and sloppy. He refueses to change and gives a lot of excuses! Nevertheless, he ignores all the advise his wife has been telling him. And it's now back to square one, after all the efforts and time and money! It's exactly one year now I've been getting help from my gyne and all he did was complaining that he has no money for my medication & no time to send me to see the doc & he is very very busy with meetings!

For once again, I am very disappointed... this is the first disappointment and the bloody new year just began for only 29 days not even a month yet. I really do not know how many more disappointments I have to face later this year. I'm devasted with how things are at the moment. My hubby just don't care to improve our current situation and it looks like I'm the only one who is actively seeking improvement in life. All the things which I jot down here and said to him were all just a JOKE for him. Why he is not mature enough to see all these??? I have to say I'm started to loose confidence in him... looks like he is the one who are not co-operating!!! What more can I say apart from he is really an arrogant and sloppy person just like his mother & father!

I can see that the history is going to repeat itself... all the idiotic scene which happened in this f***ing family he is going to make it happended to our family too!!! I started to wonder why I ever married this kid??? He is just like a child which never going to grow up anyway... and he's going to cry out running to his mom whenever things happened..... WHY ON EARTH I MARRIED AN IDIOT???

I really doubt my decision now... I regret. I regret for so many things to happened in my life... which I did for one person... & which my effort is not recognised at all by this person and it was just ashes now.... it was blown away by the wind just like that. All my dreams were gone! :'(

Always I hear this saying "count your blessings"... but in fact, I just realised I don't have many blessings to count on, & God help those who help themselves (???)... well I did get help and I tried to do better each day. BUT there this idiot who are standing on my way to get better... get a better life... better health... better mood... He is the one who has made me moody all the time! and the worst is when he knew that he has made me unhappy he felt very happy himself after that. I knew it deep down in his heart. It was like a POISION in him to see me be unhappy. I knew it! He is the reason why I'm so moody and unhappy all the time.... nothing seemed to make me more unhappy than him! I give up dear Lord... I don't know how far my patient will go this time...... :(