"Educational" Baby Videos May Not Actually Help

Thu, Mar 10, 2011 (HealthDay News) -- Parents who want to provide their babies a learning advantage these days often turn to what's been nicknamed "baby media" -- videos specifically designed to stimulate very young minds.

But researchers and pediatricians have begun to question whether babies actually are learning anything from these videos. And new studies are finding that the videos are successful at keeping infants entertained but do little to help them pick up words and concepts.

In fact, some researchers have found that kids who start watching baby media at an earlier age are apt to show less ability with language than kids who never were exposed to the videos or started watching later.

"I don't think we've seen anything to suggest that kids younger than 18 months, even with parents' support, will learn anything from a DVD," said Rebekah A. Richert, an assistant professor of psychology at the University of California, Riverside.

Babies nearing toddler age may pick up words or ideas by watching a DVD, but only with the help of a parent watching alongside them, Richert added.

She conducted a study of 96 babies between 1 and 2 years old that found no relationship between the amount of exposure to baby media and the children's general language development.

However, she and her colleagues also found that children who started watching baby DVDs at a younger age scored lower on tests of their language skills.

Their findings were echoed shortly thereafter by a University of Virginia study that found that children who viewed a baby DVD did not learn any more words than kids in a control group. The babies who learned the most words, in fact, were not exposed to the video at all. Instead, they picked them up from their parents during everyday activities, the researchers reported.

Such findings reinforce the position of the American Academy of Pediatrics, which recommends that parents limit television viewing for children younger than 2, said Dr. Don Shifrin, a clinical professor of pediatrics at the University of Washington School of Medicine and a spokesman for the academy.

"We would gently urge parents of kids under the age of 2 to avoid screen time with children," Shifrin said. "Play is the work of childhood. Sitting down in front of a screen is not the work of childhood."

Baby media exploded in popularity in the late 1990s, outpacing research efforts into whether the videos were truly helpful, Shifrin said.

"It turned out that the marketing was so good that everybody got into the act because people were buying them hand over fist," he said.

But Richert said that researchers now are finding that babies are not able to tie what is happening on the screen to the objects and sensations in their daily lives.

"They don't really understand the relationship between what's happening on screen and the real world around them," she said. For example, babies can't understand that a cup on the screen is the same as a cup in their hand -- unless there is a parent there to make the connection.

For that reason, Shifrin and Richert said, parents who want to use baby media should watch with their children and reinforce the concepts being introduced.

Shifrin recommends that parents who want to use baby videos:

• Pre-watch a video to make sure it goes at a slow, deliberate, "Mr. Rogers"-type pace. Children learn best at that pace, and less so with what he called "Warner Brothers"-style pacing.
• Watch the video with their baby, talking throughout it like a color commentator would do for a sports event and drawing connections between ideas in the video and objects around them in the home.
• Turn off the television when the video is done and let their baby play a while, possibly engaging in activities related to the video. "If they're watching a video showing them how to construct something or feed a bird, then go out and do it in real life," he suggested.

"The key element is parents being involved," Richert said. "It's not just the kids watching on their own. It's not really effective to put them in front of the television on their own and expect them to make those connections."

2011 Wish List

Hmmm... I was just wondering what should I write on my blog today and suddenly I just realised that I haven't update my wish list for this year!!! Oh my, haven't I been busy all these while. Well, now is the perfect timing to do that :P I'll just update you one the TOP 3 items:

1. Rolex watch - it has been years since my dear hubby said he wanted to get me one and when he had the money he didn't buy me one?!?! >_<

2. A house of our own.. well, hubby said he is going to buy a house for us next year... but I wish that he could do it this year... :P

3. My long waited Chanel handbag!!! :'( and am still waiting to own one!!!

Hopefully, dear God is generous enough to grant my wish above. I promise to be good! :)

Toys that Boost Physical Development

All play is physical for a young preschooler, which is why it's ideal to make a wide variety of playthings available to your child. Each stimulates his growth in body and brain in different ways. A range of toys wards off boredom, too.

That doesn't mean you need to buy out the toy store. Simply make sure that your child's toy box provides a range of different kinds of play experiences — and do lots of trades with other parents or happily accept hand-me-downs.

Maybe your child never liked a particular toy truck or has two of something. Could you trade the spurned toy or duplicate for something he hasn't seen before?

Choosing toys from each of the following categories is a great way to offer well-rounded play that encourages physical development.

For large motor skills
Choose toys that emphasize coordination and balance, and build arm and leg strength.

• Push or pull toys: Try pretend lawn mowers, shopping carts, or vacuums; baby carriages; animals on a string; a light wheelbarrow.
• Ride-on toys: These require foot power and can help improve balance. Choose wagons, wide low-to-the-ground vehicles (without pedals at first, then low tricycles once your child can reach them, around age 3 or 4). Avoid battery-powered ride-on toys (aside from safety concerns, it's better for your child to get the exercise).
• Sports equipment: Playing catch improves hand-eye coordination and involves running, too. Start with large rubber and foam balls. Kicking the ball is also important.
• Action toys: A low plastic structure that includes a slide and climbable surfaces can be kept indoors or out. (If you don't have room for it, playground visits are a good alternative.) Also consider play tunnels, swings, spinning seats, sofa cushions arranged as an obstacle course, or large cardboard cartons to crawl through.
• Rockers: Rocking horses, rocking vehicles, and rocking chairs all provide the foundation for imaginative play.

For fine motor skills
Choose toys that involve hand-eye coordination. Your child may not be adept at fine-motor action yet, but this kind of play provides practice.

• Art supplies: Always make available different types of paper and large-sized crayons and pencils, sidewalk chalk, watercolors, washable markers, coloring books, and play clay.
• Toys that make patterns: Felt boards, magnetic boards, peg boards with large pegs, and matching games involve precise hand movements.
• Stacking and building toys: Any kind of blocks work well (wooden, plastic, foam, cardboard), as do stacking cups and rings (baby toy holdovers that young preschoolers still enjoy). Shape sorters that allow a child to sort by color and shape appeal to younger preschoolers.
• Toys to manipulate: At 2, your child may still enjoy knobbed wood pieces but is getting ready to move onto jigsaws of up to 20 pieces or foam puzzles with large interlocking pieces. Also good: Lacing cards, large threading beads, tea sets, musical instruments.

For language skills
Don't forget the following sorts of toys, which emphasize speaking, music, and pre-reading skills.

• Books: Make a wide variety available, from picture books to simple nonfiction you can read to your child. Replenish often with library trips, bookstore visits, and yard sales.
• Dramatic play props: Pretend play encourages making up stories. Include dress-up clothes, miniature household props, play sets (dollhouse, farm, soldiers, castle), dolls, action figures, and dinosaurs.

Naps Make You Smarter

A good night's sleep is crucial to storing knowledge learned earlier in the day — that much was known. Now, a new study finds that getting shut-eye before you learn is important, too.

Volunteers who took a 100-minute nap before launching into an evening memorization task scored an average of 20 percentage points higher on the memory test compared with people who did the memorization without snoozing first.

"It really seems to be the first evidence that we're aware of that indicates a proactive benefit of sleep," study co-author Matthew Walker, a professor of psychology and neuroscience at the University of California, Berkeley, told LiveScience.

"It's not simply enough to sleep after learning," Walker said. "It turns out you also need to sleep before learning."

Refreshing naps

Earlier research has found that dreams boost learning, with one study suggesting a 90-minute nap may help lock in long-term memories. But Walker's research, published this week in the journal Current Biology, finds that another phase of sleep, called nonrapid eye movement (NREM) is most closely linked to the learning boost provided by a nap.

Walker and his colleagues recruited 44 volunteers — 27 women and 17 men — to come to the sleep lab at noon. First, the volunteers were given a task in which they had to memorize 100 names and faces. Then they were tested for how well they recalled the face-name matches.

Next, the researchers tucked half of the volunteers in for a nap between 2 p.m. and 3:40 p.m. The scientists measured the napping volunteers' brain waves as they slept. The other group of participants stayed awake and did daily activities as they normally would. At 6 p.m., both groups memorized another set of 100 faces and names and were tested on their memory. (The experiment was set up so nappers had more than an hour to shake off any remaining fuzziness before the test, Walker said.)

The first major finding, Walker said, was that learning ability degrades as the day wears on. Volunteers who didn't nap did about 12 percent worse on the evening test than they did on the morning test. (Walker presented preliminary findings of this effect at a conference in February 2010.) But shut-eye not only reversed those effects, it provided a memory boost: Napping test-takers did about 10 percent better on the evening test than they did on the morning test. In all, the difference in scores between nappers and non-nappers was about 20 percent, Walker said.

Secondly, the brain-wave monitoring turned up a likely culprit for the memory upgrade: a short, synchronized burst of electrical activity called a sleep spindle. These sleep spindles last about one second and can occur 1,000 times per night during NREM sleep. People who had more of these spindles, especially people who had more over a frontal area of the brain called the prefrontal cortex, showed the most refreshment in learning capacity after their nap, Walker said.

Uploading memories

Walker and his colleagues suspect that the sleep spindles are working to transfer information from the hippocampus, a small area deep in your brain where memories are made, to the prefrontal cortex, which serves as long-term storage. That frees up the hippocampus to make new memories, Walker said.

"It's almost like clearing out your informational inbox of your e-mail so you can start to receive new e-mails the next day," he said.

NREM sleep and sleep spindle frequency change throughout a person's life span, Walker said. Older people, for example, have a decline in sleep spindles, suggesting that sleep disruption could be one reason for the memory loss prevalent in old age. The volunteers in the current study were young, but the researchers hope to investigate the effect of sleep spindles on learning in older adults, Walker said.

The research also draws attention to the importance of sleep, Walker said. Sleep spindles happen more frequently later in the night, precisely the time people cut short when they rise early for work and school, Walker said.

"Somewhere between infancy and early adulthood, we abandon the notion that sleep is useful," Walker said. That needs to change, he said: "Sleep is doing something very active for things like learning and memory. I think for us as a society to stop thinking of sleep as a luxury rather than a biological necessity is going to be wise."

Toodler Tanturms

It was wonderful watching baby J growing up learning lot of things surrounding him..... but lately he has been displaying some wild & nasty behaviour.... :S

***According to some source, they say at 13 months baby start to show some tantrums... Is this what they meant???***

1. he likes to throw things on the floor even when you tell him "NO!" (since he was about 8-9 months old)

2. he can make himself vomit (or fake a vomit) whenever we are feeding him (recently)... last time whenever we say this is the last one, he will make an effort to swallow the food we fed to him but now he will push the food out from his mouth when you fed to him :S

3. he can fake his cough or sneeze to get attention... and yes, sometimes he will fake a cry (recently)

4. Last time when you asked him something, he will response to you immediately but now... he will avoid your questions and pretend he didn't hear it and continue his play (recently)

5. when we put him in his bath tub and asked him to sit, he will do it immediately but now since he can stand he will stand as long as he wants in the tub (recently)

I didn't prepare for this at his tender age but I guess this is really unexpected to have to discipline him so early at his age. Not sure if he would understand it either.... I'm really worried that this will made him a bad or rebellious boy in the future *???*.... ~__~'''

His hopeless & illiterate daddy did not show him any good values in life and always teaching him things that he shouldn't know. Thus, he learn all those rubbish behaviour from him in a blink of an eye! @_@ It's true what they say, it's easier to learn bad behaviour than good ones... It takes him forever to learn one thing good but bad behaviour in a sec he will master it!!

Sighhhh......

Correcting Toddler Behavior - Biting, Hitting, & Throwing

by Danielle Haines
Published July 28, 2008

Shocking as it may be, aggressive behaviors, such as biting, hitting, and throwing things are a normal part of your toddler's development. It is a part of a child learning self-control. Usually, toddlers phase out of bad behaviors by age four.

Still-emerging language skills, a fierce desire to become independent, and undeveloped impulse control make children this age prime candidates for getting physical. That doesn't mean you should ignore it, of course. Let your toddler know that aggressive behavior is unacceptable and show him other ways to express his feelings.

Biting

While it is crucial to accept the premise that biting is an age-appropriate behavior for toddlers, it is just as important to accept that biting is not an acceptable behavior. Adults must help toddlers control their urge to bite other children by responding quickly and firmly.

First, the biting child should be stopped with a firm “no!”. At the same time that the adult speaks, the adult should act. Ideally, one adult steps in to help the victim while another stops the biting child. Where this is not possible, the biting child should usually be dealt with first. Discipline for toddlers is most effective when it occurs immediately after the unacceptable action.

The biting child should be removed from the situation in the form of redirection of attention or time-out. Preventing biting before it happens is better than dealing with it after it occurs. Consequently, adults should carefully observe the moods and needs of toddlers. When a child is exhibiting low tolerance for frustration, or when a child has a history of biting, or when a child is teething, adults must pay especially close attention to the potential-biting child.

Hitting

Toddlers are fascinated with what they can make happen over and over and they are also curious about how people react in different situations. Hitting people satisfies both of these interests. Furthermore, toddlers see the world only from their own point of view and therefore don’t understand that other people have different ideas and feelings than they do. Don't be afraid to let your child know you are angry.

Use it as a teaching moment. You are not trying to frighten or browbeat the child into submission. You are trying to express anger constructively, so your child will know how it's managed.

1. Stop the physical aggression immediately. If your child has hit you, don't let him/her hit you repeatedly. Grip their wrist firmly, and say with equal firmness, "No hitting. You do not hit me. You can be angry, but you may not hit."

2. Expect compliance. Do not let go of the wrist until you can feel the tension leave the child. If you misjudge, and they swing at you again when you let go, repeat the step above, and hold longer. Wait for him/her to relax. Repeat your words. Keep this up for as long as it takes. Be gentle, be firm, but be unyielding.

3. When they begin to relax, praise/encourage them.

4. When the child is no longer coiled to strike, praise them again. Give, and receive, a hug with the child. This is not letting them away with it. They need to know it's all right to be angry, that they can be angry, they can express it in other ways, and that they're still loved, even if they experience anger.

5. Quickly move on to the next thing. Remember, that just as your child has the right to expect you to treat them respectfully, you have the right to be treated respectfully by your child. If this is your consistent response, you will greatly reduce or even entirely eliminate hitting in a matter of weeks.

When Your Toddler Says “No”

Saying the word no is a necessary part of being a toddler. Kids this age are driven by the need to make their own decisions, to be autonomous, and to control their world, and the way they express these needs is through the word no.

If you're the parent of a toddler, you'll hear it morning, noon, and night. Don't try to talk your little one out of it, and don't forbid it. “No” is not optional. Kids this age can be worked with, however. If you encourage their feelings of autonomy and power, you'll lessen the number of “no's” in your family. Here are a few suggestions:

• Give your child choices so she feels a sense of control over her world. “Apple juice or carrot juice?” “Would you like me to help you into your stroller, or do you want to do it yourself?”
• Encourage independence by letting them do things for themselves, and setting up their environment so they can. This may mean putting toys in bins, keeping cups for water on low shelves, putting stools near sinks, and generally making your home more child-friendly. Enroll your child as your assistant. Let your child be a participant in family work and she'll feel needed and powerful in her ability to help.
• Don't expect your child to always be nice, and don't take her “no” personally. Your child is not defiant, angry, or negative-she's a toddler saying “no.“

When Your Toddler Throws Things

Toddlers are delighted by cause-and-effect relationships. By dropping and throwing objects, your budding scientist is discovering gravity just as Sir Isaac Newton did some 300 years ago. Spoons clatter, cups crash, but Cheerios make almost no sound at all. Each of these revelations is magical to your little one. Part of his delight comes from being able to relive the discovery over and over. Here's what to keep in mind so you survive this stage:

He's not acting out. Your pitcher-in-training's predilection for tossing is not an act of defiance or aggression. Sometimes it's your preverbal toddler's only means of communication. An empty sippy cup thrown on the floor could mean he's still thirsty and wants more. Become attuned to what's being thrown and you might learn to better understand his needs.

You can set limits. Tell him what may and may not be thrown (balls good, food bad), and where throwing is okay, preferably outdoors and not from his high chair. Gently say "No throwing," and shake your head firmly with a serious look on your face. If he persists, tell him: "If you want to throw, I'll take you out of the high chair and we'll go in the backyard and play catch." Then follow through. As long as you're calm and consistent, he will learn.

All toddlers will exhibit all of these inappropriate behaviors, so do not feel like you are alone. Your toddler is beginning to express himself, show independence, and experiment with limits. Your job is to redirect the behavior, and show him that these bad behaviors are not appropriate and will not be tolerated. With time, patience, and by following through your toddler will eventually outgrow this phase.

Greatest Regrets

Do you know what's the scariest thing about a marriage? That is you've married the wrong kind of person from what you've expected him/her to be.

When I was young (I mean back in school times), I always hear people saying that if you want to know whether you have married the right person, wait till you have your first child. I always wonder why wait till then??? What's the mystery about knowing the person you married until you gave birth???

Since then , I always wonder why there's such saying..??? Couldn't you tell when you date the person? Or may be one should date a person long enough (I mean more than 5 years at least) to know the true colour of a person... Then, a girl wouldn't married to the wrong kinda guy... (^_^) wouldn't you agreed?

For the past 10 years, I've been living in my own lie... I always told myself that it's ok he will change for good... never mind, let's give him another chance... etc. etc.

I'm telling you now that all my thoughts were WRONG!!!!!!!!! WRONG!!!!!!!! WRONG!!!!!!! (-_-)

Now I truly understand why and there's no way that you could avoid or skip this part of knowing the true colour of a person (i.e. their up bringing, their taste, their mind set)!

And I have to admit that without denying any longer I've married the wrong person! So wrong that I actually wanted to erase all the past and divorce him immediately if not now! Is that bad I tell you... (-_-) I remember recently he told me that "there's nothing perfect in this world!"... and I wonder why in the first place (before I even decided to married him) I even thought that he is THE MOST PERFECT husband and father to my child????? His words has awaken me that he is NOT the man for me nor my child.

If you don't want a "perfect" life then why the hell you find a girlfriend and married her??? Why don't you just sleep around and be SINGLE all your life??!!! That would be easier for both of us when in the very beginning of our relationship I told you that "I don't intend to prolong our relationship!!" You were the one who is perusing it actively making our relationship work!?? DUHHH....!??

I have ran out of words to describe his spoiled brat attitude and to tell what the kind of nonsense he has put me through since the arrival (well even before) of our son. I regretted that day I give him the chance to come near to me.... I should have shut him out and stay away from him! If I would have known this is the piece of shit I will have to deal with I rather stay single.

I don't think he ever uses his brain to think once for me nor our son. All he care about was himself.... like a spoiled brat!!!! This is the kind of person who likes to sit around and wait for you to serve him like what his mother-fucker did to him... spoiled him like an asshole till now he is still behaving like one! Just take a look as his father-fucker! IT'S THE SAME! U JUST CAN'T TELL THE DIFFERENCE!

'Totally Natural' Human Breast Milk Ice-Cream on Sale in London

Washington, Feb 25 (ANI): A shop in London is selling ice cream containing human breast milk. The shop in Covent Garden used milk donated by a UK mom to make the "totally natural" treat.

According to UK website Parentdish, Victoria Hiley, 35, a mother of one from Leeds in northern England, has already donated a liter of her breast milk to Icecreamists parlor for the dish it calls Baby Gaga.

"What's the harm in using my assets for a bit of extra cash?" Fox News quoted Hiley as saying, who responded to an advert for milk suppliers on another parenting website, Mumsnet.

"What could be more natural than fresh, free-range mother's milk in an ice cream?"

The new parlor pays 15 pounds (24 dollars) for every 10 ounces of milk and has already had 15 mothers become donors. Each lactating woman undergoes the same health checks used by the UK's National Health Service to screen blood donors.

Matt O'Connor, 44, who runs Icecreamists, makes the dish by blending the breast milk with Madagascan vanilla pods and lemon zest.

"No-one's done anything interesting with ice cream in the last hundred years," he said.

"Some people will hear about it and go, 'yuck,' but actually it's pure, organic, free-range and totally natural," he added. (ANI)

J is ONE !

Geez... Can't believe how fast time flies... J is hitting the big number ONE this month! Today (finally!) we decided to celebrated our baby boy's 1st birthday bash with our dear friends.

I never thought that baby J will sleep for more than an hour and when I went into his room, he was still sounds asleep (snoring away peacefully) in his dreamland... how could I ever want to disturb him and wake him from his peaceful sleep (???). I do struggle as daddy kept calling me through my hp to wake baby J from his sleep... He urges that we need to get to the event on time before the guests arrived!

I was thinking why worried so much... let the guests enjoy themselves as it was a casual lunch and/or party... DUH! Don't really understand why sometimes daddy could be very stressed up on small matters like this??? So I went in a few times into the room and still couldn't managed to wake him up from his peaceful sleep... baby J sleep like a baby...! He is sooo sweet!

By the time it is 11.20 a.m. I tried to stop the music but still baby J continues his sleep peacefully... then 5 mins later, I went in again... this time I tried to stop the hammock from rocking (this is what daddy suggested... I'm so sorry dear..), immediately baby J opens his eyes and look at me with his sleepy eyes... it melts my heart to see those eyes when he first wakes up from his sleep. Then, we hurriedly feed him and bathe him and get ready to go to his party.

All in all, we had a wonderful time with our friends and I have to say baby J was behaving very well today! He didn't even fuss about eating nor drinking for 3 hrs long!!! >_<>Happy Birthday, my sweet little angel boy!

Sigh. Sometimes, I feel like my heart will burst from the tug-of-war between enjoying the present and clinging to the past. Being a mom is so emotionally exhausting.

The 10 Most Irritating, Least Helpful Parenting Tips Ever

I have nothing against friends and family offering advice when you come to them with a dilemma. It's the people who pipe up, unbidden, because they see you with a child and assume you have no idea what you're doing. Too often these people are elderly great-aunts. Fortunately those ladies are afraid of the Internet, so I can rail against them and they'll be none the wiser! Thanks, ladies.

1. "Sleep now, because once that baby comes you'll never sleep again." Technically this is a pregnancy tip, of course, but I'm shoving it in here anyway. Yes, Great-Aunt Hildy, I will sleep throughout my entire third trimester. Because I am part bear.

2. "Sleep when the baby sleeps." Everyone gives you this one — annoying relatives, pediatricians, the cashier at the drugstore where you were buying newborn diapers. Are these people all robots, capable of instantly dropping off to sleep whenever their child is unconscious? Do they not have other things to do, like bathe, or simply relish the rare moments of silence you get when you have an infant?

Read more from Alice Bradley on << The Motherboard Blog >>
3. "I think your baby's hungry." Whether you're nursing or bottle-feeding, everyone assumes you don't know how to feed your child. And every time your child cries, whines, grimaces, or squirms, they are going to assume you are starving your poor baby and you need reminders to feed it. Lest you forget! This advice is especially maddening when they turn out to be correct.

4. "Relish every moment of your baby's first years, because they'll be grown before you know it." You mean, time only moves forward? I had no idea! I thought we'd be like this forever and ever! This sort of advice, obvious and innocuous as it seems, always put me on the defensive, as if I had just been carrying my baby under my arm like a football, muttering, "Grow up already, why don't you. Just GROW UP."

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5. "I hope you're sleep training that child. Do you WANT him to be spoiled?" Oh, distant relative/person whose aisle I shared at the supermarket, I'm so glad you know exactly my child needs. And that you know, from your years of scientific research, that any child not allowed to cry it out will be a horrible waste of flesh! (See #6 for this parenting tip's counterpart.)

6. "I hope you're not doing that 'crying it out' thing. It's so barbaric. Enjoy your baby all through the night!" Again, kudos to you, whoever you are, for knowing what's best for our unique family situation! I will be calling you at 4 a.m., so you can enjoy our baby as well.

Related: The Best Mom Moments of All Time

7. "Why are you bringing your child outside when it's so cold out?" It never ceased to amaze me that, no matter what my child's age, total strangers will express alarm and revulsion that I dared expose him to the elements. "And WHY ISN'T BE WEARING MITTENS? He's going to get consumption!"

8. "Your child isn't really sad/angry/injured. He's just manipulating you." There's no doubt that children can push our buttons as if they've had professional training in it, but the notion that my kid's authentic feelings are in fact manufactured to elicit a reaction really chaps my hide. If that were always true, he'd be a pint-sized sociopath. I'm pretty sure that's not the case.

Related: Read 7 Hilarious Tantrum Tales Here
9. "Schools are just glorified prisons. If you loved your child, you'd homeschool." Oh, if only I loved my child enough to abandon my livelihood, tear him away from the community he so enjoys, separate him from the professionals who have dedicated their careers to childhood education, and forced him to stay home all day with me, where we'd be at each other's throats for hours! If only! Please note: I am not opposed to homeschooling, at all — in fact I wish it would work for us, but it would not.

10. "If I were you, I'd just—" OH NO YOU DON'T. I know where this is going. Listen, unnamed distant acquaintance who last parented in the 19th century (it's true — I often get my unwanted advice from ghosts) you don't know diddly about my kid, and our relationship, and what works for us.