My 2009 Resolutions

One more day and we will bid farewell to the year 2008. I must say this year has been a very productive and meaningful year for me. Thank you dear Lord for all the happenings in 2008! I must say although it was a mix of ups & downs. But I cherish it! Looks like dear Lord really gives us time to start new (again!) and moved on with life... no matter you like it or not. But I guess the greater purpose of this is to give us the chance to recreate and reborn ourselves... that's why it's only 12 months or 365 days and not more.

In 2009, my 10 (to-do-list) resolutions will be :

1. To go to USA - esp. to see New York & Los Angeles

2. To go to Mt. Fuji

3. To re-start my own family. Need God's blessing on this....

4. To wake up at 7.30 am so that I can go for my morning walk and sleep at 10 p.m.

5. To start baking more variety of cakes - pandan, choco, orange, butter & make cookies! :)

6. Less scolding... (if my hubby still naughty I will sure scold so don't start hubby.... :P)

7. Learn more about photography & get the business started!!! :)

8. Buy a wide-angle lens ;-)

9. Help creating a new website for hubby

10. Live a happier life than in 2008! :D

So, that's all for now.... Hope you have a wonderful count down to 2009!

Happy New Year folks!!!

M O N S T E R - IN - LAW

Yesterday, I know my hubby was VERY upset with the bitch!! I knew it when I saw his face after I came out from the doc room. He tried to hide it but I knew there's something bothering him... I can tell from his face. I just hope that whenever he is ready, he would tell me what's bothering him. The bitch just couldn't let my hubby have a peaceful and happy life. She is always looking for trouble to rack his life and somehow create a kiosk to her own family ( I think this bitch only mind her own bloody feeling and fat-thick skin face). I must say what she did is not only stupid and very shallow. I really feel like slapping her face when I see her!

I feel pain X2 when I see someone I care in pain.... esp you my dear hubby.

But then again, I always will protect my family member (you are my family member) no matter what! That's why when I knew my hubby was upset with the bitch I lost it... Dear, she is not worth your anger or even time to even think about her! Can't you just accept that she is DEAD?? This is a worthless mother... don't even shed a tear for her... it's not worth your while......... !!!

The word mother or mum sounds very pure and loving... but when I tried to applied it to my hubby's disaster at home.... that's a monster! But we call her bitch not that I'm proud of it but this is what the real world is! This is the first example I saw it with my own very eyes, that a mother so determine to do anything to safe her own bloody face without considering her own child feelings or needs. I guess this is what the kiasu people will act like. Nice on the outside but all roten on the inside. I also tried to find the true meaning of the word mother in the dictionary and I foun this ~ Mother - the qualities characteristic of a mother, as maternal affection - To watch over, nourish, and protect maternally.

This word (mother/mum/mom) sounds so generous and kind yet I can't see any of it in her..... she just knows how to use her power to control and manupulate the facts and create a lot of disaster at home both with her own family and her siblings. Btw, she is a good pretender and actress! No one will deny it! That's for sure! The bitch must have thought my hubby will go back crying to her and let her control his life again just like her second bastard! So useless but he thinks for himself.... if he continues to offend her he will not get all the money that he needs to survive in this world. So he acted smart and go along with her request.

BUT she has under-estimates this elder son! No wonder she never understand my hubby and only knows how to use the remoter control to command my hubby to do all the hanky-panky work for her... haih... hubby, just show her the middle fingerrr!

Hubby, you must stay strong for no matter how loud or long the dog barks, the mountain will still be stanfing tall and high! You must learn to be the mountain - to be able to fight it till the end!!! And still stay calm........ and steady!

You must not fall into the bitche's trap..... you must moved on and accept the fact and lived your own happy live... because.... "I am still determined to be cheerful and happy, in whatever situation I may be; for I have also learned from experience that the greater part of our happiness or misery depends upon our dispositions, and not upon our circumstances." - Martha Washington. She must be very very jealous about you having a happy life & do not want you to have a happy life. Therefore, she will always think of millions of ways to pist you off.... Don't give in to her!!!!

Your mother don't loves you - so what? There are millions of people out there who are abused and abandon by their own mother. Can they lived without a family? Of course! They even moved on to seek their own happiness..... and forget those nonsense! REMEMBER - your life is a gift from GOD not your mother... so learn to appreciate the gift from GOD! Just let her say whatever fucking things she wants to say about you, that's between you and GOD. She has no right to judge you, for she is the one who teaches you all these evil things. You do not need to prove to others about it.... just let the fugly bitch bitches about you and leave the rest to GOD to handle with her later in her life.

Everyone has his burden. What counts is how you carry it." ––Merle Miller

"Always look at what you have left. Never look at what you have lost." --Robert H. Schuller

"The greatest discovery of my generation is that human beings can alter their lives by altering their attitudes of mind." --William James

We still have pleanty more things to achieve in our lives, don't still cling on a rotten past.... delete their messages no matter how serious they are.... it's not your responsiblitiy anymore! That's your past, don't waste it on your future as well. Those bastards & bitches won't stop harrasing you but who cares??? .... so MOVED ON!

"Happiness is not by chance, but by choice." --Jim Rohn

"A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort." --Herm Albright

"I can alter my life by altering the attitude of my mind." --Anonymous

Last but not least, I'm looking forward to spend many more happy days with you and achieve more valuable things in our lives. Are you ready to do that? Since new year is just around the corner, let's just make it a new resolution for ourselves. Are you up to it?

Merry Christmas folks !

Merry X'mas everyone! :) May you have a blessed X'mas with your loved ones. Everlasting God, you have shown yourself to be the only one I can truely count on. Make me as faithful as you are. Amen.

Still very much a Boy

I'm very, very, very, utterly, mostly disappointed with my hubby yesterday... another month wasted.... total up the months he has wasted = 12 months! This is not the first time it has happened and he never learns from his previous mistakes!!! :( still living in the "Denaiel and Blaming Land" I suppose.

I am running out of patient with him!!! I've tried every single thing to get myself into good physic and emotion still he is not mature into a man yet! I guess he is still waiting for his mother to make a child for him!!!! :( Mommy little boy! never seemed to grow up and become a man after all.

I'm soooo exhausted...... dealing with his childishness and the in-mature side of him makes me wanna slap him upside down! He never tried to be in my shoes and think of how I felt each time I visit my CMD. It was so f***king painful!!! I hate needles yet I did not give up hopes and put myself into the situation which I will most probably ran away... BUT I did it just for him and he still never tries to appreciate what I've done for him and still making all those nonsense excuses!!!! - He blamed first the baby calender, then the timing of my ovulation, then my voice, then taking bath at night, sneezing, flu, etc..... etc.....

Oh God, please H E L P me!

I don't know how long I can deal with all his disappointments. I tried to look beyond the good things we both share but this is just so very difficult for me to bear alone... I had never imagine it would be so devastating....... I realised that after all these while the guy that I married, which is my husband now, is still very much a BOY inside him and not yet grown into a MAN. I'm starting get very worried about my future.... I do not think I want to maintain this kind of relationship unless there's a child in our family. He knows how much I wanted a child of our own and yet he is not making any effort on it. I really want to give up! I could not tolerate with his childiness anymore...!!!

Oh dear Lord, please help my hubby... please guide my husband guidance along the way and shade some light in his darkness. Please grow him into a mature thinking man and a husabnd and a father (someday). I really need him to be an adult. In Jesus name we pray. Amen.

All his friends, who are same age as him already have a family of their own and there he is still telling me he do not know how to do it correctly or maturely~! I have ran out of line to say..... I never thought he would be so naive into thinking that we are making love just for the sake of having fun! FYI, making love is part of the fun not the whole fun of it!!!! We, the women, however have to suffer for 9 months just because of you having "FUN"... !!! How ridicolous & naive his thinking!!! If all wanted to have fun then why married??? You could just have your "FUN" and stay single rite? clumsy!!!

I really duno why he was born with such a naive mind/brain..... even his brother & sister is smarter/mature than he is. Useless fellow..... making love suppose to be the easiest task among all and he has made it like it was a f***ing hard-JOB (like those farmer)! I really feel like giving him a slap! sigh...!

He always complain that I have very low sex drive (so I tried my best to exert more juice) but just take a good look at him.... who is the one had the lowest sex drive??? What Hercules! It's all rubbish!!!!

Just a Dream

Sometimes I do wonder what IF I'm still 22 years old, I will ........... IF I'm not married yet, I will.... IF I have found a better boss, things will be...... etc. etc. and the list goes on.... and on... :)

However, IF I was given another chance by the dear Lord to go back to the future, I will choose that day of my wedding day. It is not because I'm totally unhappy with what had happened on my wedding day, I just felt that things could have been better.

For me, wedding is a very important occassion which I celebrate with my loved ones, and it should a very special one which when you are 60 year old and you looked back, I think you remind yourself about the DAY whether is happy, sad, excited, anxious, terrible, etc.

Let's begin the list of things I wish things could have been better while/during my wedding preparations:

1. Pre-wedding & actual day photographer - I totally regret having to hire those rubbish.... they are a total waste of my money!!! I wish I could have the budget to hire the most experienced photographer from overses esp. from the Aus or UK. I just love their styles of photographing and you don't have to worried about their quality (they use the best lenses). I will choose to go to on of a small town in France or Italy for my photo shoots.


2. Wedding gown - well, I have to say I like my couture wedding dress but I love this one more... hahahah :P I always dreamt that my wedidng gown will have all the details, flare, elegant, romantic looking gown.


3. Wedding veil - very LONG.... no doubt! :)

4. Wedding venue - it will be church wedding or garden wedding or at bali church wedding

5. Make-up artist - I will choose the lady which did my make-up & hair on my first wedding dinner... she's lovely and pro!

6. Wedding car - I prefer the blue-ish/grey-ish colour Mercedes Benz exactly in the pic but without the deco :P


7. Wedding car deco - as in the picture.... just love the simplicity of it...


8. Bridesmaids - they will be AL, LP, LN & 2 cousins. Why I didn't think of it before??? :( Their dress of course will be pale pink or white.

9. Evening gown - again... mine was a couture gown. I love something elegant but simple.... I love the colour of my current gown (fuchsia pink - my theme) but not so much on the design.... the designer hv not put justice to my gown!!

10. Having my hubby say his wedding vows for me in front of my dear parents, friends and relatives. He did not say a word on this.... :'(

11. Backdrop - We will have to redesign the backdrop as in the pic below with fairy lights... the one at our wedding dinner was awful!


12. Not to forget, of course, more flowers in the banquet hall !!! :D

Anyhow, I did feel grateful that I had my wedding with my loved ones. I do appreciate all that you have done for me and I thank the Lord for you. Thank you for the wonderful wedding dear.

Counting Down to X'mas

What a wonderful feeling this is..... x'mas is just around the corner!!! I just can't wait till it comes. People just flocking in to malls to buy presents and the feeling inside the shopping malls was just wonderful.... all the x'mas trees were so dashing!!! Still I miss those x'mas years in the UK. There atmosphere there were very different...... accompany by the snow on the cold winter day..... it just make it feel so real that X'mas is here.... I miss those days!

I also came to realised that the act of giving is actually a wonderful feeling.... that's why it happened eapecially during X'mas and other celebrations. We buy presents for the person we care most and in return we got their love. This is a very unselfish gift above all.

Anyway, as tradition, which we have been doing for over more than 10 years now, we would exchange gifts like the millions of Christians people do.... So, what should I buy for him on this year X'mas? Hhhmmpphh... any ideas??? What do you normally give your hubby as X'mas present? ***scratching my head***

On the other hand, I've solve one of my two problems though.... I've found his birthday gift!!! :D Horray!!!! I've bought my keke a birthday present and I just couldn't wait to see his reactions on this. He, by the way, already knows where I bought his birthday present from but...... the secret was he was not sure what gift I have chosen for him... ;-) "Ke you just have to be a little patient..." So, keep guessing ya till your birthday :D hahahah....

Move on.........

This year X'mas I actually have a wish list.... :) as usual lah.... hahah...

1. Tiffany's butterfly necklace - Sapphire silver or pink gold

2. Canon Lens - red ring - which can zoom more than x50 my current lense

3. Channel handbag - black colour one pls

4. Holiday trip to Paris or Mt Fuji or New York

5. Gosh... what else I've left out.... oh yeah! A home sweet home! :D

The list will take a rest for a moment here... heheh.... Will update you once there's something new on my list.

Stay tunned! hohohohooo............

Morning Walk

Lately, keke has been very nice... he has been accompanying me for morning walk these few days. I'm not sure how long his stamina will last but the feeling of sleeping early and waking up early really makes me feel good on that day. I truely enjoy walking and snaping photos of flowers in the early morning..... hahahah..... :) It's so fresh and breezy..... no hot sun which will burnt and damage your skin.

Will post my productions here very soon. Wait up yaa...... Till then.

Cheers!

Brand New

AND

My new bed frame & mattress finally arrived today!! :D Can't wait to sleep in them! :)

Okay, back to serious topic, recently I've discovered something... I've learn that my 6th sense is actually our true lie detactor. This is truely a gift from above and I hv to say all these while I've been negelecting it. I'm not sure how to use it all the while..... Sounds funny rite? :D It's true! Until now I only discover how to use it truthfully..... It was really amazing!!! :D No wonder, they always say "trust your own instinct!"... I would like to thank God for this enlightement. Thank you dear Lord Jesus. Amen.

Laughter is The Best Medicine

I had a great time visiting my friend during the weekend. I couldn't remember when was the last time I really enjoyed myself with the company of my friends. I couldn't remember when I had a hearty loughs till my stomoch ache the whole day.... I guess this is what real friends is. They will never judge you for who and what you are. I have to say this is the first time I say what crossed my mind and I'm happy they all enjoying the fun with me too! :)

However, it was not the same when I went to another friends wedding in a 4-star hotel. I feel that this bunch of people who grew up with me have no similarity and sense of grown up with me. They are still the same when they were standard 1. Very childish and naive!! What can I say.... no wonder they are also not very good among themselves... I wonder why they still wanna act in front of each other? WHy can't they be truthful to themself??? I guess this is what we call mixed with the wrong group of kiasu people and the effect will also be the same.

I truely glad that I ditched those group of rubbish kiasu donkies (it is 7 donkies to be exact)!!! :D

Finally!

Yes, it finally came when I visited the doctor this evening. I was finally relieved but the amount is terribly small!! Just a drop! That's it! :S Anyway, thanks to the dear Lord Jesus for answering my prayer. Dear Jesus, please help us realised our dream to become a mum and dad. Please grant us a new addition to our family tree. In Jesus name we pray, Amen.

During my treatment, I met with a nice lady. She told me that she has been trying for baby for 9 years already and now she finally have it. She has been pregnant for 7 days already. I'm touched by her determination for not giving up so easily in the first place. She has all the problems I'm facing now and an additional treatment that she has went through.

All in all, I hope I won't give up so easily as well and I also hope God will not give up on me too. I know this is going to be a long journey, and I hope dear Lord Jesus will always look after me and guide me along the way till succed.

The Waiting is Very Frustrating

I've been waiting for it to come since Tuesday but it never arrived??? Thursday is coming. Normally it will come on time (either one day earlier or late).... I'm started to get really worried... worried that maybe my body is not ready just yet or there's something still very wrong indside??? Who can give me the answer??? But my body have been feeling a bit funny for the past few days.... one moment hot then cool again... has been repeating like this for a while already.... then there was this tiny little headache I'm feeling on Tuesday's nite.... I thought it's going to come but then again.... found nothing the next day.... sigh!

The following day, I do the conventional ways which was advised by my doc few days earlier to do the testing!! And guess what? It's normal! Just one blue line! *lost*...... :(

Aaagrrhhhh...... What does all these means????????????? Dear Jesus, please help!

It's Celebrations Time

Yesterday nite before going to bed I have this strong feeling that I wanted to update my blog tomorrow morning. So this morning, I woke up at 8 a.m. (wow!) usually half an hour late than that :P... I tidy my bed, took my bath, do my breakfast.... and here I am, sitting in from of my lovely HP desktop. I eagerly signing in my blogger account... waiting for it to get connected.... then suddenly, when I was at the Posting Page and I suddenly went blank.... I duno what to write for today?! I was starring at the blank page trying to think hard... **hmm... what was I suppose to write today??**

Well, let's start with this weekend... haha... I know now is too early talking about celebrations but guess what, some people already got me in the celebrations mood. :) This month will be a very hectic yet most productive month for me! :)

For a moment I will be :

- going to 2 weddings this month. One will be in out-of-town around XX km then the following day, I'll be going for another wedding at lunch time!!! :S

- Mom's & hubby's birthday coming soon this end Dec! :D Hv lots to do for their upcoming celebrations... thou I'm not sure what are the itinerary yet! Better start planning now...

- X'mas celebrations hopefully this year my sisters will be able to make it to celebrate together

Well, without further-a-do, do pardon me. I got to chiao now.... Hope you have a nice weekend!

Cheers folks! :)

It's December!

I wonder how time flies so fast... without even noticing that today is already the month of December, 2008! I also strated to notice shopping malls were decorated with ribbons and shinning ornaments.... and started playing those cheerful, warm & romantic X'mas songs.... "Aaaahh!!! it was like candy to the ears!" I mumbled happily to myself while shopping with my hubby. We're busy preparing for X'mas too ! and the New Year and his birthday of course!!! :) I think this month bills will be quite shocking for my hubby when it's deliver to our house... (Dear, it's only once a year.... :P)

Looking back, I'm happy to say I've complished most of the things I wanted to do in 2008... they were namely:

1. Seek closure to a chapter which has been hanging since XX yrs ago & getting rid of those parasites in my life!! It certainly feels good and I'm to remind myself never to look back again!

2. Updating my blog more frequent now than previous year (a pat on my back!).

3. Visited Shanghai (finally!) & Hanoi this year.

4. Bought a Canon DSLR camera & been actively learning how to use all the functions.

5. Learn something about feng shui.

6. Watched some really nice movies e.g. Kungfu Panda, Transformer, the Incredible Hulk, Sense & Sensibility, Sex & the City, Awake, the Dark Knight & Iron Man :) and learn some valuable lesson out of it... One if which - "Yesterday was history, tomorrow is a mystery and today is a gift. That's why it's called the present."

7. Bought an oven & some bakering tools (finally!!!) Looking fwd to release my inner baking skills :P Updates coming soon ya!

8. Also finally, found the matress & bed frame which we were looking for (at an discounted price!!!) ;D

9. Got an experienced (at least this is not "lan-cy") photographer for our anniversary shoot! Haven't seen the outcome yet, but we are getting excited already!!! Price are quite reasonable than the others too! But I had 6 blisters on my feet during the shooting... :( Hope this is woth the effort. *Fingers crossed!*

10. Keke bought an ipod & Coach handbag for me on (well, not exactly "ON" that day but affter a few days lah) my birthday! Finally owned one i-pod at least... yay!!

11. Met for the first time after 10 years of missing news with a childhood friend of mine (since Standard 1) whome moved away to another country shortly after Standard 3.

12. Met a senior friend who has always my companion when we were in tuition classes together during primary years. Now, she's married with a kid second coming up very soon!

On the other hand, there were of course some of the unfortunate things which had happened to me as well....

1. Nearly got pregnant but did not make it....so, still not preganat yet...(!?!?)

2. i-phone not come yet... @#^%&*@!!

3. Flowers I ordered (from a reputable florist) for my shooting is not what I've expected! Total disappoitment!

4. Keke not prepared anything to celebrate my 2008 birthday... :'( not suprising!

5. Car got hit & run incident by a careless lorry Indian driver... "pandi!!"

6. My dearest flower plant (Bougainvillea) died a few months ago :(

7. Big HU-HA at the political arena! A lot of dramas! which lead to ecomony slow down!

8. Not own a house yet...

All in all, what can I say.... Looks like next year going to be another challenging year for me.Well, I guess that's enough to sum up the happenings in 2008 for me at least. Looking forward to this year X'mas celebrations soon! :)

Till then, happy shopping & cherios!

Vitamins to Help Get Pregnant Now

Did you know that there are vitamins to help you get pregnant faster? When couples are trying to conceive a child many couple fail to get pregnant because of the lack of nutrients in their diets.

When a couple is trying to get pregnant you want your bodies to produce the healthiest sperm and eggs possible. It is important that the women have a fertile and healthy body this will increase the odds of conception.

Taking supplements help give your body what it needs naturally to get pregnant. By taking supplements you should have increased energy and a great sense of well being.

Vitamins to help get Pregnant help your body become more fertile. There are supplements that will help a man’s reproductive system and sperm count. While other vitamins and supplements aid the women’s reproductive health and give the egg a fertile environment for conception.

Vitamins to Help Get Pregnant Now:

Calcium - Calcium is important in making fertile mucus in the women vagina. Toxemia can result when a women has a vitamin deficiency.

Vitamin B group - In men vitamin B is important in helping the testes production of sperm. In females vitamin B group which includes folic acid help the women balance progesterone and estrogen production of hormones. Lack of Vitamin B during pregnancy can result in miscarriages and still born.

Vitamin A - In females vitamin A helps keeps the cilia in the women fallopian tubes fertile and healthy. In men vitamin A is important in the man’s testosterone and sperm production.

Bioflavonoid - In men bioflavonoid aid in sperm production and keep the man’s sperm from clumping together. In females bioflavonoid helps with ovulation in woman that has not been producing eggs.

Potassium - Helps the man with sperm motility and keeps glands healthy.

Magnesium - Magnesium is important for women’s production of estrogen and progesterone. Magnesium helps keep the fallopian tubes healthy enabling the muscles to contract properly.

Zinc - A man needs zinc for a healthy sperm count, zinc helps the sperm to be well formed. Zinc deficiency can result in low levels of testosterone for men.

When trying to get pregnant it is important to lead a healthy lifestyle, eat plenty of fruits and vegetable whole grains and lean meats. Avoid alcohol and smoking. Taking supplements and vitamins to get pregnant along with a healthy lifestyle will increase your chances of getting pregnant faster.

5 Signs You're Ovulating

The key to getting pregnant is ovulation. By pinpointing when you ovulate you will increase your chances of getting pregnant. This can be a simple process or a bit tricky depending on your body and your fertility signals.

The good news is that many women have signals that show when they are ovulating. All you need to do is to find them and then you're on your way to trying to get pregnant.

Increase in cervical fluid.When you are ovulating, your body increases the amount of cervical fluid. Many women just notice that towards the middle of their cycle they are a bit more moist. This can make sex easier because you usually don't require lubrication from outside sources. Women also report feeling more sexually attractive and attracted to your mate. (The good news is that they seem to have the same feelings when you're ovulating because of pheromones and other not so easily explainable forces.) **Once your vaginal mucus becomes less thick, you are getting closer to ovulation.

Your cervix moves forward. You can easily check the position of your own cervix. Simply wash your hands and stick a finger or two inside your vagina and feel the cervix. When you are not fertile you will notice that your cervix is harder and not open. Your cervix will feel about the consistency of the end of your nose. When you ovulate the cervix is easier to reach, a bit softer and slightly open to receive sperm. At this point your cervix may feel more like your ear lobe.

One sided pain during ovulation. This is called mittleschmerz or middle pain. This is caused from a tiny bit of blood causing an achy feeling during ovulation. Not every woman notices this pain. But if you do experience it is a good clue that you have ovulated.

Your basal body temperature shifts. If you are tracking your basal body temperatures you can see where your temperatures shift downwards then suddenly spike upwards. This is also an indication of ovulation. This requires that you take your temperature on a daily basis.

You have an LH surge. This one requires testing with ovulation prediction kits (OPK). This involves spending money to purchase test kits that measure the amount of LH in your urine.

Half Empty

I'm feeling very frustrated today... I feel that my life after my returned from UK has not been smooth sailing... it has been like living in the HELL! Maybe I married the wrong guy... I've been having this thought in my mind lately. I don't know why he is just like everyones' else husband... the typical "china-malaysian made man" type of husband... which no wonder why more and more women are looking for husband else where... They are the "toh-sui" typical type of husband who:

1. came from a poor family. I hv nothing against if you are poor but I've never seen anyone which is poor and have an egoistic attitude and still never change to become better in your future life???? Your attitude is everything....!

2. have a "ji-bai kuan" mother who also the typical type of "ah soh" where you see in malaysia wet market - talk so loud until your next next door neighbour also can hear clearly & she has the typical thick-skin-big-mouth bitch! Somemore fat!

3. have a very selfish siblings who likes to compare " why he can have that and I can't have it" (even that thing they do not need it) and "who is better spender than the other" but one thing they never fight - who should do the household chores?

4. have they typical "lan-jiao kuan" father who couldn't be bothered at all anout anything... even better, just think that he is dead... transperant... air.... and who likes to talk-cock-sing-song all day long! he'll never get bored of it.... and have the typical zombie look... but empty inside!!!!!

5. Worst behaniour in a family - Likes to bad-mouth and gossip behind the person but act friendly in front of each other !!! this is the steryotype of toh-sui family!

After all the above, you take a deep breath & say to yourself "okay, but I think I can change those bad things in my hubby and have a better life with him in the future. He can make change for good." which was very very wrong of me!!! I'm being naive to think that at that time.... He told me that he likes children but then again you will see his real meaning when it comes to the real thing.

1. He told me that I waste a lot of his time in going to see the CM doctor

2. He told me that it is very expensive to go there for the insulin drop (for strengthen the womb) - RM130 to save a life, do you think it is worth it?

3. when he is at the clinic, while waiting outside for our turn, he just sit there staring at his PC or hp (like if he misses reading one email he will lost RM1mil) or novel/comic book (wonder away in his own la-la-land) and don't even bothered whether issit his turn or where is the wife?

4. When we were inside the doc office, he will just sit there and look at the doc... you wonder if he is counting the doc's eyelashes or hair (???). Wasting my time to wait outside for so long and in the end he has nothing useful to ask the doc.

5. The REAL test come when he knew I was pregant (at very early stage) and the doctor asked me to rest more and have to go for treatement... he still say to me that he wanted to go oversea for business trip... Here, you will see how serious he is in wanting this baby. To him, spending some time with his wife taking care of her or accompany her is a waste os time. In the end, you thought he has earned many millions but the truth is none of the above!! This will show how serious hs is in becoming someone's dad. Just like the saying goes - "Like his father and him..." Ignorant & selfish bastrad!!!!

6. During the 2 weeks, I was worried that the HCG hormone will not be suffuceint for the baby to develop so I use the preganacy test to see if it is normal and he said to me "do you know this is expensive? no need to test so many time.." I only test forthnightly...or when I sense something was wrong insede me... coz I'm worried. The test only cost RM13.80 to give me a peace of mind. Do you think this is expensive??? And he cannot help me with anything at all...

7. And and sure that those husband who has a preganant wife knows that your wife hormone will fluctuate quite a bit during the period (not you intentionally want it to happened) and will do everyhting to keep her mood calm and happy. BUT this "toh-sui kia" is different, he will go against whatever I say to him and he will make me angry... bad mood... feel like shit!!! And you can see in his face that he feels happy that you are not happy.

8. Not even house chores he is willingly helping to do a bit without me asking him to. He will as usual sleep very late (1am onwards) and wake up at 10am... then bath and go out to work. So basically, there is no breakfast when I wake up at 8am and have to wait till 10.30am - 11sih am to have my breakfast.

9. Dinner is worst, I have to wait till he comes home.... that will never the same time.... during the 2 weeks even worst!!!... purposely come back at 8sih pm (make appointment to meet at 6pm - duh!!!) and then we finished dinner it will be at about 9.30pm. He will say he need to attend this meeting and don't even bothered if you are in hunger... he wants you to wait for him so that he can feel that he is so "wei ta"! He will told you just grab whatever and eat first, but the truth is what is there that I can to eat?????

10. After all the above, it is not just it, you have to put up with his SNORING!!!!!! I told him to get treatment with the CM doc or follow a routine exercise to keep his breating at peace but he just do not want to listen....

I guess that's why suddenly Jesus took my son away... HE knew someone was not ready (yet) to commit himself... emotionally nor logically.

In the end of the day, you will wonder what did I do to deserve this bastard????? I rather Jesus just take my life away than just wasting it here aching my heart to see the ugly side of him. My life so unproductive and meaning-less! I'm so tired of all these nonsense.........!!!!

Bleeding Love

It finally ended..... I knew it when I kept bleeding non-stop and I'm having this sever pain at my lower abdominal. I knew this is it... bye-bye to my 2 weeks of hope (even though I'm not 100% excited about it but I still feel the pain in my heart)! Though it only lasted 2 weeks, I felt that yesterday and today was a totally different feeling. I wonder how those mothers-to-be can handle it when they have their baby after the 3rd month.

I grief for my embroy that didn't managed to survive in me. May God bless you always. Amen.

Tragedy

Today, after I saw the CMD, I noticed that I have some bleeding (terrible shock!!!). In the morning, I was still ok but after seeing the doc, even he says he can see some very minor dot at the screen but he still say to me not to be too optimistic about this pregnancy. Although, I felt very uncertain about what the doc said I still try to keep an optimistic mind about it. At that time of screening, I felt some minor pain at my lower abdominal area but during the 'titik' at that time I already can sense the pain. The pain become a little sever during the 3-ish pm.... Then in the toilet, I can see quite a lot of blood in my panty and I become worried... I called up my doc assistant and told him about the incident and he just told me "just rest more". I was sure that when I hear him saying the 3 little words, my heart crumbled....

Dear Lord Jesus, please give me the right mind-set and strenght to get through this difficult phase of pregnancy (1st trimester). Please keep our embroy safe and health at where he should be. Although I'm still having this pain inside me dear Jesus, I wish that it could live through the difficult time inside my weak body. In Jesus name I pray, Amen.

It has been 2 Weeks

From the first week (first picture) during conception to week 5 (second picture), we have made some little progress since. We would like to thank Jesus for His guardian & care that we have made good progress into week 5 now. In fact, according to the doctor he still can't see anything on the ultrasound screen (yet) and he asked me not to be too happy or too excited about it first (ok I will try not to get too excited over it first but I do pray that all is well). Hopefully, we can see the little healthy embryo soon.... can't wait! :) To learn more detailed about your womb, see picture #3.

Besides, today I felt that my breasts are not as sensitive as in the previous 2 weeks. Hopefully nothing wrong with it.

~ Dear Father Jesus, we need your special angel guardian & care in helping us to watch after our little embryo inside me to grow into a strong and healthy baby. Thank you Havenly Father Jesus. In Jesus name we prayed, Amen. ~

Deep in your uterus your embryo is growing at a furious pace. At this point, he's about the size of a sesame seed (see picture above), and he looks more like a tiny tadpole than a human. He's now made up of three layers — the ectoderm, the mesoderm, and the endoderm — which will later form all of his organs and tissues.

The neural tube — from which your baby's brain, spinal cord, nerves, and backbone will sprout — is starting to develop in the top layer, called the ectoderm. This layer will also give rise to his skin, hair, nails, mammary and sweat glands, and tooth enamel.

His heart and circulatory system begin to form in the middle layer, or mesoderm. (This week, in fact, his tiny heart begins to divide into chambers and beat and pump blood.) The mesoderm will also form your baby's muscles, cartilage, bone, and subcutaneous (under skin) tissue.

The third layer, or endoderm, will house his lungs, intestines, and rudimentary urinary system, as well as his thyroid, liver, and pancreas. In the meantime, the primitive placenta and umbilical cord, which deliver nourishment and oxygen to your baby, are already on the job.

Also, here I have some useful info about miscarriage. Do check it out at: http://www.americanpregnancy.org/pregnancycomplications/miscarriage.html

Happy reading & resting~!

Sore Breasts During Pregnancy

Why are my breasts so sore?
When you become pregnant, your body produces higher levels of estrogen and progesterone, the workhorses that help make your pregnancy possible. These hormones prepare your breasts for nursing -- and they can also make them sore and sensitive, just as they are around your period.

Some women find their breasts are so sensitive in the early days of pregnancy that they can't stand having anything touch them, even fabric. Your breasts may also feel heavier than usual, and you may notice more discomfort when you walk or run. You may also notice that your nipples and areolas (the areas around the nipples) are darkening and that your nipples are becoming more prominent. More bluish veins may appear under the skin, an indication of increased blood flow.

All these changes show that your breasts are getting ready to produce milk so you can nurse your baby. Throughout your pregnancy they will increase in size as estrogen and progesterone hormones surge, causing milk ducts to grow, extra blood to flow, and glandular tissue to expand.

How long will the soreness last?
Most women find their breasts are most sore and sensitive very early in pregnancy; in fact, for many women, sore breasts are one of the first signs they are pregnant. The sensitivity will decrease and be much less noticeable during the second and third trimesters. Your breasts will continue growing throughout your pregnancy, however. The increase is more or less noticeable depending on how big your breasts were before, how much weight you gain, and factors such as heredity. It's common to increase as much as two to three bra sizes, although not everyone does.

What can I do to decrease this tenderness?
Try to avoid anything that causes you discomfort. If you don't like your partner touching your breasts during sex right now, say so. If rough fabrics such as woven blouses are irritating, switch to soft knits for the next couple of months.

But the most important thing you can do for your own comfort is find a good, supportive bra. If your bras feel tight and restrictive, go up a size. If underwire bras are bothering you, switch to the soft cup kind. If you can, take the time to get fitted by a lingerie professional in a department store or maternity shop. Maternity bras generally have wider straps for greater support and comfort. They also offer a little more coverage in the cups and extra rows of hooks so you can adjust the bra as your ribs expand with your growing baby.

If you don't have a department or specialty store near you, take the time to measure yourself carefully. If you were a 34B last month, you may be surprised to find you've become a 36C. Make sure you measure around the fullest part of your breast to get your cup size, and just under your arms for the chest size. Your breasts will continue to grow, so be prepared to have another fitting in a few months.

If breast tenderness is bothering you at night as well as during the day, try a sleep bra -- a type of lightweight cotton bra sold primarily at maternity stores -- to protect you while you sleep.

When it comes to exercise, it's even more important to choose a sturdy bra. Invest in a couple of high-quality exercise bras, and you'll be much more comfortable when you work out. Even if you are small-breasted, look for bras that are marked "full support."

Lastly, remember that breast tenderness is primarily a problem in the first trimester. As your hormone levels even out, the unusual sensitivity will decrease and that "don't come near me" feeling will go away.

Ultrasound

What is an ultrasound?

An ultrasound (also called a sonogram) is a noninvasive diagnostic test that uses sound waves to create a visual image of your baby, placenta, and uterus, as well as other pelvic organs.

It allows your healthcare practitioner to gather valuable information about the progress of your pregnancy and your baby's health.During the test, an ultrasound technician (sonographer) transmits high-frequency sound waves through your uterus that bounce off your baby. A computer then translates the echoing sounds into video images that reveal your baby's shape, position, and movements. The series of television-monitor images is called a sonogram.

The words ultrasound and sonogram are often used interchangeably. (Ultrasound waves are also used in the handheld instrument called a Doppler that your practitioner uses during your prenatal visits to listen to your baby's heartbeat.)

Most moms-to-be have a standard ultrasound when they're between 16 and 20 weeks pregnant. But you may have one as early as 4 or 5 weeks or any time after that if there are signs of a problem. Most people look forward to the midpregnancy ultrasound because it gives them a first glimpse of their baby. The technician will probably present you with a grainy printout of the sonogram as a keepsake. And you may be able to find out your child's sex, if you want to. But the main purpose of the ultrasound is to provide you and your practitioner with important information about your baby's health and development.

If you're having a low-risk pregnancy, however, you might not be offered an ultrasound at all. In fact, the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists recommends ultrasounds only when there's a specific medical reason.

When will I have my first ultrasound scan?

All women are offered ultrasound scans in pregnancy, but the number and the timing seems to vary considerably between different areas. As a general guide they include:
• an early scan at 6-10 weeks, sometimes using vaginal scanning techniques
• dating scans at about 10-14 weeks
• nuchal translucency scans at around 11-14 weeks
• mid-trimester scans at 18-21 weeks

Some hospitals will also offer private scans for a fee to women who live both locally or outside their area.

Early scan - if you have previously miscarried or you have had bleeding in the first few weeks of this pregnancy, you may be offered an early scan between 6-10 weeks. This is to reassure you and end the uncertainty of not knowing if your pregnancy is OK. This scan may be done using a probe placed inside the vagina, instead of the usual abdominal scanning equipment. This is called "transvaginal ultrasonography". Many hospitals now have early pregnancy clinics which run daily so your midwife can refer you straight away. It's natural to feel a little anxious about having a vaginal scan. If you do feel anxious, you should discuss it with the nurse or sonographer beforehand. It's also a good idea to take someone else along with you. If it helps, you could also ask for a woman to carry out the scan. The vaginal scan will give a clearer picture of your baby earlier in pregnancy than an abdominal scan.

Dating scan - it is now recommended that all pregnant women have a dating scan, ideally at about 10 to 14 weeks of pregnancy. This is needed if you are planning to have blood screening tests for Down's syndrome and/or spina bifida. (It is important to know the exact number of weeks and days of pregnancy at the time the blood test is taken so that the results of the test can be accurately interpreted.) This scan is also a more accurate way of establishing your due date than counting from your last monthly period (LMP). It can also find out if you are having more than one baby.

Nuchal translucency (marker) scans - all women should now be offered a nuchal translucency scan between 11 and 14 weeks of pregnancy which can estimate the likelihood that your baby has Down's syndrome. It's usually offered as part of the "combined test", which includes the nuchal translucency scan and a blood test to detect the levels of the pregnancy hormone human chorionic gonadotrophin (hCG)and pregnancy-associated plasma protein-A. For a definite diagnosis a diagnostic test, such as amniocentesis, is needed. Not all hospitals have staff trained for this particular skill at present, but it is fast becoming more available in NHS hospitals as an alternative to blood screening tests.

Mid-trimester scan - this scan is offered to all pregnant mums between 18 and 21 weeks. The main purpose of this scan is to examine your baby closely and check for abnormalities. The scan can show your baby in fine detail. You will be able to see movements and some hospitals will tell you the sex of your baby if you wish to know. So when is the best time to have a scan? This is going to depend on your own individual situation and on what's available in your local area.

If you have reason to be worried about your pregnancy in the early weeks, then an early scan may be a good idea. If you are not sure of your due date, or you are planning to have blood screening tests, you may need to have a dating scan. If nuchal scans are available near you (either on the NHS or privately), you may choose to have one of these at around 12 weeks. It may be that the only scan you need or want during your pregnancy is the mid-trimester scan at around 20 weeks.

Early Pregnancy Symptom Discharge

While in her early stages of pregnancy itself, a woman may notice a vaginal secretion and wonder what it is. This is early pregnancy symptom discharge.

Known as leucorrhea, the vaginal discharge is an odorless or mild-smelling milky discharge that you can see appear in your underwear because of increased estrogen production and greater blood flow to the vaginal area. Made up of secretions from the cervix and vagina, old cells from the walls of the vagina, and normal bacterial flow from the vagina, the discharge is a valuable aid to detecting early pregnancy symptoms.

While the vaginal discharge may be common even before pregnancy, it is during pregnancy that the secretion increases in flow. The process by which the flow increases occurs in the following manner.

In very early pregnancy, cervical secretions fill your cervical canal and create a protective barrier -a device known as mucus plug. As your cervix begins to thin out and dilate, it may expel this mucus, and you'll notice discharge that looks like egg white or mucus resembling discharge from a runny nose. You may even expel the plug in one gelatinous glob. This discharge might have some amount of blood in it.

Is Vaginal Discharge Clean? If the early pregnancy symptom discharge is thin and clear and then there is a lot of it, you may actually be leaking out amniotic fluid, a suspicion you can dispel by consulting your doctor. While cervical mucus could be early pregnancy discharge, it could also be normal vaginal discharge, yeast infection discharge, or ovulation discharge. The ovulation discharge usually looks like egg whites, and can resemble a slight creamy textured discharge that you may not even notice.

Vaginal discharge can look alarming if even when you are at your 37th week and you notice an increase in discharge or a change in the type of discharge, and it begins to look like a watery, mucus-like, or bloody secretion. This could be a sign of preterm labor.

Another time to get alarmed is when you suspect that you have an infection, when the discharge causes you discomfort such as itching or burning-or your vulva looks inflamed. The discharge you are emitting could also be foul-smelling, or frothy or yellow, and it may be time to get a thorough check-up of yours done.

Also, there's nothing when the discharge is being emitted, for you to do but consult a physician if it is seriousl. Otherwise, you can do nothing to stop the flow. You can take some care-giving tips for yourself or precautions, such as keeping your genital area clean, wearing cotton underwear, and avoiding fancy deodorants, scented pads or toilet paper in the area. Early pregnancy symptom discharge should not be allowed to become a cause for panic or misery.

Foods to Avoid During Pregnancy

Learn what foods to eat and what to avoid during pregnancy to ensure a happy, healthy environment for your unborn baby!

~ Pregnancy is a time of joy and exhilaration.~

As a concerned parent, you want to do everything possible to ensure the well being and safety of your baby. Thus, it is vital that you eat a well balanced diet in order to ensure that your child is given every opportunity to grow and develop normally, right from the start!

Keep in mind that while your caloric needs increase slightly during pregnancy (to the tune of about 300 calories, or the amount of calories in a cup of yogurt and 1/2 a bagel), pregnancy is not a license to eat everything in sight! Moderation is critical to the health and well being of your baby. Remember during your pregnancy that everything that goes into your mouth will also reach your baby at some point. Because of this, it is vital that you eat foods that are nutrient dense and safe.

There are several foods that may pose a potential risk to your unborn fetus. It is important that you recognize the potential dangers of certain food products and avoid them during your pregnancy.

Foods to AvoidThere are several foods that may pose a risk to your baby. These include:

1. Raw Meat: You may have been a fan of a good 'beef carpaccio' or round of sushi before pregnancy, but be sure to avoid raw or undercooked meat at all costs during your pregnancy. 'Rare' is simply not an option while pregnant. Why? Rare meats may contain bacteria, toxoplasmosis and Salmonella, all of which are harmful to your unborn baby. You are twice as likely to experience food poisoning while pregnant, so be sure to ask for your meat prepared well.

2. Deli Meats: A sandwich is harmless right? Wrong! Prepared meats, such as those available at a deli counter, including hot dogs or turkey, beef and chicken preparations, should not be consumed unless you re-heat them until steaming. Why? These preparations may be contaminated with a substance called Listeria. These bacteria can harm your baby severely, and may even cause miscarriage or result in a stillborn delivery. Listeria is nothing to joke about, thus it is vital that you avoid the deli counter while pregnant.

3. Imported Soft Cheeses: Like deli meat, imported unpasteurized cheeses including blue cheese, feta, Brie or camembert should be avoided. These may also contain Listeria. However, soft cheeses that are made with pasteurized milk are safe to eat. It is important to check out the label. If you are not sure whether or not a product is pasteurized, you should in general avoid it.

4. Undercooked eggs: Raw eggs or undercooked eggs have the potential to contain Salmonella. Raw eggs are often included in many commercial products including Egg Nog and some forms of Caesar salad dressing. Be sure to check out the labels before you consume any of these products. Signs of salmonella food poisoning may include: fever, abdominal cramps and diarrhea. When indulging in eggs during your pregnancy, keep the following in mind:
>>Keep eggs always refrigerated until cooked.
>>Do not use cracked eggs.
>>Wash all utensils after contact with raw eggs.
>>Eat eggs immediately after cooking.
>>Foods containing eggs should be refrigerated.
>>Do not eat dishes that contain Hollandaise Sauce or Caesar Salads which uses raw eggs.

5. Fish: While eating fish can be beneficial during your pregnancy, there are certain types of fish that you should avoid. These include shark, swordfish, king mackerel, excess tuna and tile fish, as all of these contain high levels of mercury, which can affect your unborn child's nervous system. Generally it is safe to eat 12 ounces of other fish including :

- salmon and tilapia, which are full of nutritious benefits.

- Canned tuna should also be avoided due to high levels of mercury contamination.

6. Caffeine: While a small amount of caffeine (1 small cup a day) may provide a much needed lift for pregnant moms, in general caffeine should be avoided during pregnancy. High amounts of caffeine consumption have been linked with birth defects and increased risks of miscarriage. Remember that caffeine is present in many every day food items including chocolate, tea and soda. To play it safe you should avoid caffeine entirely during the first 12 weeks of pregnancy to reduce the likelihood of miscarriage. Daily caffeine intake of more than four to seven cups of coffee a day appears to double the risk of spontaneous miscarriage.

7. Alcohol: Alcohol is harmful to your baby's development. Alcohol will cross the placenta and affect your baby, so every time you drink when you are pregnant your baby does to. If you are pregnant and have been drinking alcohol, stop now! There is no determined level of alcohol consumption that is considered safe during pregnancy. Daily consumption of alcohol in early pregnancy might lead to a condition called fetal alcohol syndrome.

It is important during pregnancy to learn which foods are safe to eat and which foods you should avoid. By doing so you will provide the best possible environment for your baby to grow and develop in. A healthy pregnancy depends on a healthy diet.

For the best possible health benefits, talk to your health care provider about a balanced diet rich in nutrients, vitamins and minerals from fresh food sources. With a bit of planning and encouragement, you can learn to plan wonderful, tasty meals that will satisfy your cravings and benefit the health of your unborn child as well.

First Trimester

Congratulations, you're pregnant! Although it may seem early, there are plenty of things you'll need to do during your first trimester -- like eating well and getting lots of sleep. Schedule your first prenatal visit with your practitioner when you're about nine weeks along. Plan on seeing your practitioner every four weeks.

- Avoid alcohol, drugs and cigarettes.
- If your immunizations are not up to date, let your practitioner know.
- Drink lots of fluids, especially water (8 to 10 glasses a day).
- Stick to a diet naturally high in folic acid (oranges, melons and dark green vegetables).
- Eat plenty of iron-rich foods (whole grains, beans, raisins and nuts).
- Keep your blood sugar level elevated by eating lots of high-protein and high-carbohydrate foods such as breads, brown rice, potatoes and cheese.
- As a general rule, avoid medication and consult with your doctor before taking any.
- Get plenty of sleep, and try to nap if you feel tired during the day.
- Exercise, but moderately. Don't start a new exercise regimen when you're pregnant, and be careful not to become overheated for prolonged periods.
- If you're a coffee drinker, cut back, switch to decaf or try herbal or decaffeinated tea.
- If your family has a history of genetic disorders, consider prenatal testing.
- Start budgeting for your new life with baby.
- Choose a place to give birth (hospital? birthing center? home?).
- Consider starting a pregnancy diary and having someone take a picture of you (and your expanding belly) each month.
- Refrain from getting perms, dyes and other hair treatments involving heavy chemicals.
- Get smart -- buy a few pregnancy books and dive in.