First Time

What the First Time May Be Like
Having sex for the first time can be wonderful, especially for those who are emotionally ready and protected against disease and unwanted pregnancy. But for others it may be a little dull, too short or even a little painful. Sex can enhance a caring relationship, but if you do experience problems, it may be an indication that you and your partner may need to take things more slowly or not have sex. Your body may be telling you something.

No Orgasm
Most females and some males do not experience an orgasm the first time having sex. This may be in part due to the inexperience of you and/or your partner in the ways of touching and pleasing, nervousness, or worry about the relationship or about possible consequences, such as pregnancy, sexually transmitted infections (STIs) and your relationship with family. Don't be afraid to go back a step and not have sex. Think about ways to enhance your relationship without sex first. As mentioned above, your mind has a great deal to do with how you feel. Get to know each other more and discuss your feelings about having sex. Learn what you each like as far as touching and get to know your bodies. If not having an orgasm becomes a problem for you or your partner, talk with an adult and/or your doctor. If you are a minor and would prefer not to share this concern with your parents, ask your doctor to keep your discussion confidential before going into detail.

Cuming Too Soon
Ejaculating (cuming) too soon the first time is a common complaint or fear for guys. Don't worry about it! If it happens to you or your partner, know that it doesn't mean this is how it will always be. Nervousness for some guys can make them lose their erection or not have an orgasm, and for others, it can cause them to lose control in the excitement and cum too early or fast. Don't be afraid to go back a step and not have sex. Think about ways to enhance your relationship without sex first. This will help remove the pressure you may feel.There are many other things you can do to increase intimacy first and to get more comfortable with each other. This will be vital if you feel you or your partner is cuming too soon. It helps for partners to work with each other, discussing feelings and building confidence and trust. Also, talk with an adult and/or your doctor. If you are a minor and would prefer not to share this concern with your parents, ask your doctor to keep your discussion confidential before going into detail.

Losing the Erection
Having difficulty keeping an erection or reaching orgasm for males is not uncommon. Nervousness and pressure to perform can easily make a guy lose his confidence or the mood. Don't be afraid to go back a step and not have sex. Think about ways to enhance your relationship without sex first. The more pressure a guy feels to perform, the higher the chance he will either lose his erection or ejaculate faster than he'd like to. The key is to take away the pressure of sex and involve each other in other activities, such as massage and touching. Don't try remedies such as cockrings or penis lotions without consulting a doctor first. These solutions cause damage if not used properly. If losing an erection becomes a problem for you or your partner, talk with an adult and/or your doctor. If you are a minor and would prefer not to share this concern with your parents, ask your doctor to keep your discussion confidential before going into detail.

Painful Vaginal Sex
Many of us hear that sex for the first time can be painful, especially for a female. But painful sex doesn't have to be the case at any time. The sections below discuss some ways that sex can be painful or uncomfortable, and what you can do about it. If you are still finding sex painful, consider talking to an adult or your doctor. Your doctor will have a better understanding of your body and can give you helpful advice. If you are a minor and would prefer not to share this concern with your parents, ask your doctor to keep your discussion confidential before going into detail.

Burning Sensations During Sex -- Not Enough Lubrication
A female's body produces lubrication that feels much like saliva when she becomes sexually excited. This helps to reduce the chafing and burning sensations caused by friction, and allows easy movement in the vagina. The woman's body usually takes eight minutes to produce this lubrication after she begins to become sexually excited. If you are having penile-to-vaginal sex, this can be frustrating for partners, as it takes far less time for a male to get an erection.

Even if a female is very excited, she may not produce as much lubrication as needed to avoid chafing, especially if she is nervous or worried. Physical changes can also result in too little lubrication. Some women feel less lubricated when taking a particular brand of birth control pill, after using a tampon, at certain times of the month, etc. If you and your partner are experiencing chafing or pain, don't be afraid to go back a step and not have sex.

Think about ways to enhance your relationship without sex first. It is not uncommon for the person experiencing pain to be fearful of the next encounter and thus adding another worry to the list. Build comfort and confidence first and focus on other forms of pleasing and enhancing the relationship. You can also buy an artificial lubricant to help reduce chafing. Purchase a water-based lubricant, as it's easier on the female's body than oil-based lubricants such as Vaseline, baby oil or massage oil. Using a water-based lubricant is especially important if you are using latex condoms, as oil-based lubricants can damage the condom.

There are many brands of water-based lubricant, such as ID, Wet, Astroglide and KY Jelly. Water-based lubricants can also help a female to insert a tampon into a dry vagina during her period. If you still find you are having discomfort, talk to a doctor. If you are a minor and would prefer not to share this concern with your parents, ask your doctor to keep your discussion confidential before going into detail.

Crampy/Uncomfortable Sensation During Sex - Hitting the Cervix
When the female becomes excited, her vagina produces lubrication, the back of the vagina extends and her cervix (the tip of the uterus) pulls up. When she is relaxed, her cervix dips into the vagina. It takes time for the female to become fully excited and aroused; if she isn't fully excited her cervix may not pull up even though she has produced lubrication. In certain positions during sex, the penis may hit the cervix if it has not pulled up, causing an achy, crampy feeling that may linger after sex. If you or your partner is experiencing this, don't be afraid to go back a step and not have sex. Think about delaying sex until you are more comfortable with each other. Try other ways to please each other first and enhance the relationship. If partners are still experiencing this problem, try a different position. You can also talk with an adult or physician. If you are a minor and would prefer not to share this concern with your parents, ask your doctor to keep your discussion confidential before going into detail.

Feeling the Vagina is Too Tight or Painful Attempts at Penetration
If a female is nervous, not ready for sex or fearful of sex, her vagina might cramp up or go into spasms, making it feel clenched and difficult for the penis to enter. If this happens, stop and slow down - it may be a sign that this is not the right time for sex. Don't be afraid to go back a step and not have sex. Talk to your partner about other forms of pleasure and feeling intimate and becoming more comfortable with your body and that of your partner's. Think about alternatives to sex that will increase intimacy, trust and get to each other's likes and dislikes with touching as well as your own body. Take it slowly, be patient and talk openly. Also consider talking to an adult or doctor. If you are a minor and do not want to share this concern with your parents, ask your doctor to keep your discussion confidential before going into detail.

Painful Anal Sex
Penis-to-anus sex can be painful, especially if there is not enough lubrication. It can also cause damage to the colon (the lower part of the intestine) if you and your partner are not cautious. The colon is covered by a thin membranous tissue, which has many blood vessels and can tear easily. If you choose to have anal sex, you need to ensure you are using ample lubrication to avoid tearing of the colon and possible damage. Reapply lubrication, as it will get absorbed by the body over time.

If you are using a latex condom or glove, use water-based lubricants such as Wet, KY Jelly, ID or Astroglide, as oil-based lubricants can damage latex. Also check in with your partner to see how he or she is feeling and take it slowly, especially at first. If you or your partner are experiencing painful sex, Don't be afraid to go back a step and not have sex. Think about ways to enhance your relationship without sex first. You can also talk about your experiences with an adult and/or your doctor. If you are a minor and do not want your parents to know, ask your doctor to keep your discussion confidential before going into detail.