My 2009 Resolutions

One more day and we will bid farewell to the year 2008. I must say this year has been a very productive and meaningful year for me. Thank you dear Lord for all the happenings in 2008! I must say although it was a mix of ups & downs. But I cherish it! Looks like dear Lord really gives us time to start new (again!) and moved on with life... no matter you like it or not. But I guess the greater purpose of this is to give us the chance to recreate and reborn ourselves... that's why it's only 12 months or 365 days and not more.

In 2009, my 10 (to-do-list) resolutions will be :

1. To go to USA - esp. to see New York & Los Angeles

2. To go to Mt. Fuji

3. To re-start my own family. Need God's blessing on this....

4. To wake up at 7.30 am so that I can go for my morning walk and sleep at 10 p.m.

5. To start baking more variety of cakes - pandan, choco, orange, butter & make cookies! :)

6. Less scolding... (if my hubby still naughty I will sure scold so don't start hubby.... :P)

7. Learn more about photography & get the business started!!! :)

8. Buy a wide-angle lens ;-)

9. Help creating a new website for hubby

10. Live a happier life than in 2008! :D

So, that's all for now.... Hope you have a wonderful count down to 2009!

Happy New Year folks!!!

M O N S T E R - IN - LAW

Yesterday, I know my hubby was VERY upset with the bitch!! I knew it when I saw his face after I came out from the doc room. He tried to hide it but I knew there's something bothering him... I can tell from his face. I just hope that whenever he is ready, he would tell me what's bothering him. The bitch just couldn't let my hubby have a peaceful and happy life. She is always looking for trouble to rack his life and somehow create a kiosk to her own family ( I think this bitch only mind her own bloody feeling and fat-thick skin face). I must say what she did is not only stupid and very shallow. I really feel like slapping her face when I see her!

I feel pain X2 when I see someone I care in pain.... esp you my dear hubby.

But then again, I always will protect my family member (you are my family member) no matter what! That's why when I knew my hubby was upset with the bitch I lost it... Dear, she is not worth your anger or even time to even think about her! Can't you just accept that she is DEAD?? This is a worthless mother... don't even shed a tear for her... it's not worth your while......... !!!

The word mother or mum sounds very pure and loving... but when I tried to applied it to my hubby's disaster at home.... that's a monster! But we call her bitch not that I'm proud of it but this is what the real world is! This is the first example I saw it with my own very eyes, that a mother so determine to do anything to safe her own bloody face without considering her own child feelings or needs. I guess this is what the kiasu people will act like. Nice on the outside but all roten on the inside. I also tried to find the true meaning of the word mother in the dictionary and I foun this ~ Mother - the qualities characteristic of a mother, as maternal affection - To watch over, nourish, and protect maternally.

This word (mother/mum/mom) sounds so generous and kind yet I can't see any of it in her..... she just knows how to use her power to control and manupulate the facts and create a lot of disaster at home both with her own family and her siblings. Btw, she is a good pretender and actress! No one will deny it! That's for sure! The bitch must have thought my hubby will go back crying to her and let her control his life again just like her second bastard! So useless but he thinks for himself.... if he continues to offend her he will not get all the money that he needs to survive in this world. So he acted smart and go along with her request.

BUT she has under-estimates this elder son! No wonder she never understand my hubby and only knows how to use the remoter control to command my hubby to do all the hanky-panky work for her... haih... hubby, just show her the middle fingerrr!

Hubby, you must stay strong for no matter how loud or long the dog barks, the mountain will still be stanfing tall and high! You must learn to be the mountain - to be able to fight it till the end!!! And still stay calm........ and steady!

You must not fall into the bitche's trap..... you must moved on and accept the fact and lived your own happy live... because.... "I am still determined to be cheerful and happy, in whatever situation I may be; for I have also learned from experience that the greater part of our happiness or misery depends upon our dispositions, and not upon our circumstances." - Martha Washington. She must be very very jealous about you having a happy life & do not want you to have a happy life. Therefore, she will always think of millions of ways to pist you off.... Don't give in to her!!!!

Your mother don't loves you - so what? There are millions of people out there who are abused and abandon by their own mother. Can they lived without a family? Of course! They even moved on to seek their own happiness..... and forget those nonsense! REMEMBER - your life is a gift from GOD not your mother... so learn to appreciate the gift from GOD! Just let her say whatever fucking things she wants to say about you, that's between you and GOD. She has no right to judge you, for she is the one who teaches you all these evil things. You do not need to prove to others about it.... just let the fugly bitch bitches about you and leave the rest to GOD to handle with her later in her life.

Everyone has his burden. What counts is how you carry it." ––Merle Miller

"Always look at what you have left. Never look at what you have lost." --Robert H. Schuller

"The greatest discovery of my generation is that human beings can alter their lives by altering their attitudes of mind." --William James

We still have pleanty more things to achieve in our lives, don't still cling on a rotten past.... delete their messages no matter how serious they are.... it's not your responsiblitiy anymore! That's your past, don't waste it on your future as well. Those bastards & bitches won't stop harrasing you but who cares??? .... so MOVED ON!

"Happiness is not by chance, but by choice." --Jim Rohn

"A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort." --Herm Albright

"I can alter my life by altering the attitude of my mind." --Anonymous

Last but not least, I'm looking forward to spend many more happy days with you and achieve more valuable things in our lives. Are you ready to do that? Since new year is just around the corner, let's just make it a new resolution for ourselves. Are you up to it?

Merry Christmas folks !

Merry X'mas everyone! :) May you have a blessed X'mas with your loved ones. Everlasting God, you have shown yourself to be the only one I can truely count on. Make me as faithful as you are. Amen.

Still very much a Boy

I'm very, very, very, utterly, mostly disappointed with my hubby yesterday... another month wasted.... total up the months he has wasted = 12 months! This is not the first time it has happened and he never learns from his previous mistakes!!! :( still living in the "Denaiel and Blaming Land" I suppose.

I am running out of patient with him!!! I've tried every single thing to get myself into good physic and emotion still he is not mature into a man yet! I guess he is still waiting for his mother to make a child for him!!!! :( Mommy little boy! never seemed to grow up and become a man after all.

I'm soooo exhausted...... dealing with his childishness and the in-mature side of him makes me wanna slap him upside down! He never tried to be in my shoes and think of how I felt each time I visit my CMD. It was so f***king painful!!! I hate needles yet I did not give up hopes and put myself into the situation which I will most probably ran away... BUT I did it just for him and he still never tries to appreciate what I've done for him and still making all those nonsense excuses!!!! - He blamed first the baby calender, then the timing of my ovulation, then my voice, then taking bath at night, sneezing, flu, etc..... etc.....

Oh God, please H E L P me!

I don't know how long I can deal with all his disappointments. I tried to look beyond the good things we both share but this is just so very difficult for me to bear alone... I had never imagine it would be so devastating....... I realised that after all these while the guy that I married, which is my husband now, is still very much a BOY inside him and not yet grown into a MAN. I'm starting get very worried about my future.... I do not think I want to maintain this kind of relationship unless there's a child in our family. He knows how much I wanted a child of our own and yet he is not making any effort on it. I really want to give up! I could not tolerate with his childiness anymore...!!!

Oh dear Lord, please help my hubby... please guide my husband guidance along the way and shade some light in his darkness. Please grow him into a mature thinking man and a husabnd and a father (someday). I really need him to be an adult. In Jesus name we pray. Amen.

All his friends, who are same age as him already have a family of their own and there he is still telling me he do not know how to do it correctly or maturely~! I have ran out of line to say..... I never thought he would be so naive into thinking that we are making love just for the sake of having fun! FYI, making love is part of the fun not the whole fun of it!!!! We, the women, however have to suffer for 9 months just because of you having "FUN"... !!! How ridicolous & naive his thinking!!! If all wanted to have fun then why married??? You could just have your "FUN" and stay single rite? clumsy!!!

I really duno why he was born with such a naive mind/brain..... even his brother & sister is smarter/mature than he is. Useless fellow..... making love suppose to be the easiest task among all and he has made it like it was a f***ing hard-JOB (like those farmer)! I really feel like giving him a slap! sigh...!

He always complain that I have very low sex drive (so I tried my best to exert more juice) but just take a good look at him.... who is the one had the lowest sex drive??? What Hercules! It's all rubbish!!!!

Just a Dream

Sometimes I do wonder what IF I'm still 22 years old, I will ........... IF I'm not married yet, I will.... IF I have found a better boss, things will be...... etc. etc. and the list goes on.... and on... :)

However, IF I was given another chance by the dear Lord to go back to the future, I will choose that day of my wedding day. It is not because I'm totally unhappy with what had happened on my wedding day, I just felt that things could have been better.

For me, wedding is a very important occassion which I celebrate with my loved ones, and it should a very special one which when you are 60 year old and you looked back, I think you remind yourself about the DAY whether is happy, sad, excited, anxious, terrible, etc.

Let's begin the list of things I wish things could have been better while/during my wedding preparations:

1. Pre-wedding & actual day photographer - I totally regret having to hire those rubbish.... they are a total waste of my money!!! I wish I could have the budget to hire the most experienced photographer from overses esp. from the Aus or UK. I just love their styles of photographing and you don't have to worried about their quality (they use the best lenses). I will choose to go to on of a small town in France or Italy for my photo shoots.


2. Wedding gown - well, I have to say I like my couture wedding dress but I love this one more... hahahah :P I always dreamt that my wedidng gown will have all the details, flare, elegant, romantic looking gown.


3. Wedding veil - very LONG.... no doubt! :)

4. Wedding venue - it will be church wedding or garden wedding or at bali church wedding

5. Make-up artist - I will choose the lady which did my make-up & hair on my first wedding dinner... she's lovely and pro!

6. Wedding car - I prefer the blue-ish/grey-ish colour Mercedes Benz exactly in the pic but without the deco :P


7. Wedding car deco - as in the picture.... just love the simplicity of it...


8. Bridesmaids - they will be AL, LP, LN & 2 cousins. Why I didn't think of it before??? :( Their dress of course will be pale pink or white.

9. Evening gown - again... mine was a couture gown. I love something elegant but simple.... I love the colour of my current gown (fuchsia pink - my theme) but not so much on the design.... the designer hv not put justice to my gown!!

10. Having my hubby say his wedding vows for me in front of my dear parents, friends and relatives. He did not say a word on this.... :'(

11. Backdrop - We will have to redesign the backdrop as in the pic below with fairy lights... the one at our wedding dinner was awful!


12. Not to forget, of course, more flowers in the banquet hall !!! :D

Anyhow, I did feel grateful that I had my wedding with my loved ones. I do appreciate all that you have done for me and I thank the Lord for you. Thank you for the wonderful wedding dear.

Counting Down to X'mas

What a wonderful feeling this is..... x'mas is just around the corner!!! I just can't wait till it comes. People just flocking in to malls to buy presents and the feeling inside the shopping malls was just wonderful.... all the x'mas trees were so dashing!!! Still I miss those x'mas years in the UK. There atmosphere there were very different...... accompany by the snow on the cold winter day..... it just make it feel so real that X'mas is here.... I miss those days!

I also came to realised that the act of giving is actually a wonderful feeling.... that's why it happened eapecially during X'mas and other celebrations. We buy presents for the person we care most and in return we got their love. This is a very unselfish gift above all.

Anyway, as tradition, which we have been doing for over more than 10 years now, we would exchange gifts like the millions of Christians people do.... So, what should I buy for him on this year X'mas? Hhhmmpphh... any ideas??? What do you normally give your hubby as X'mas present? ***scratching my head***

On the other hand, I've solve one of my two problems though.... I've found his birthday gift!!! :D Horray!!!! I've bought my keke a birthday present and I just couldn't wait to see his reactions on this. He, by the way, already knows where I bought his birthday present from but...... the secret was he was not sure what gift I have chosen for him... ;-) "Ke you just have to be a little patient..." So, keep guessing ya till your birthday :D hahahah....

Move on.........

This year X'mas I actually have a wish list.... :) as usual lah.... hahah...

1. Tiffany's butterfly necklace - Sapphire silver or pink gold

2. Canon Lens - red ring - which can zoom more than x50 my current lense

3. Channel handbag - black colour one pls

4. Holiday trip to Paris or Mt Fuji or New York

5. Gosh... what else I've left out.... oh yeah! A home sweet home! :D

The list will take a rest for a moment here... heheh.... Will update you once there's something new on my list.

Stay tunned! hohohohooo............

Morning Walk

Lately, keke has been very nice... he has been accompanying me for morning walk these few days. I'm not sure how long his stamina will last but the feeling of sleeping early and waking up early really makes me feel good on that day. I truely enjoy walking and snaping photos of flowers in the early morning..... hahahah..... :) It's so fresh and breezy..... no hot sun which will burnt and damage your skin.

Will post my productions here very soon. Wait up yaa...... Till then.

Cheers!

Brand New

AND

My new bed frame & mattress finally arrived today!! :D Can't wait to sleep in them! :)

Okay, back to serious topic, recently I've discovered something... I've learn that my 6th sense is actually our true lie detactor. This is truely a gift from above and I hv to say all these while I've been negelecting it. I'm not sure how to use it all the while..... Sounds funny rite? :D It's true! Until now I only discover how to use it truthfully..... It was really amazing!!! :D No wonder, they always say "trust your own instinct!"... I would like to thank God for this enlightement. Thank you dear Lord Jesus. Amen.

Laughter is The Best Medicine

I had a great time visiting my friend during the weekend. I couldn't remember when was the last time I really enjoyed myself with the company of my friends. I couldn't remember when I had a hearty loughs till my stomoch ache the whole day.... I guess this is what real friends is. They will never judge you for who and what you are. I have to say this is the first time I say what crossed my mind and I'm happy they all enjoying the fun with me too! :)

However, it was not the same when I went to another friends wedding in a 4-star hotel. I feel that this bunch of people who grew up with me have no similarity and sense of grown up with me. They are still the same when they were standard 1. Very childish and naive!! What can I say.... no wonder they are also not very good among themselves... I wonder why they still wanna act in front of each other? WHy can't they be truthful to themself??? I guess this is what we call mixed with the wrong group of kiasu people and the effect will also be the same.

I truely glad that I ditched those group of rubbish kiasu donkies (it is 7 donkies to be exact)!!! :D

Finally!

Yes, it finally came when I visited the doctor this evening. I was finally relieved but the amount is terribly small!! Just a drop! That's it! :S Anyway, thanks to the dear Lord Jesus for answering my prayer. Dear Jesus, please help us realised our dream to become a mum and dad. Please grant us a new addition to our family tree. In Jesus name we pray, Amen.

During my treatment, I met with a nice lady. She told me that she has been trying for baby for 9 years already and now she finally have it. She has been pregnant for 7 days already. I'm touched by her determination for not giving up so easily in the first place. She has all the problems I'm facing now and an additional treatment that she has went through.

All in all, I hope I won't give up so easily as well and I also hope God will not give up on me too. I know this is going to be a long journey, and I hope dear Lord Jesus will always look after me and guide me along the way till succed.

The Waiting is Very Frustrating

I've been waiting for it to come since Tuesday but it never arrived??? Thursday is coming. Normally it will come on time (either one day earlier or late).... I'm started to get really worried... worried that maybe my body is not ready just yet or there's something still very wrong indside??? Who can give me the answer??? But my body have been feeling a bit funny for the past few days.... one moment hot then cool again... has been repeating like this for a while already.... then there was this tiny little headache I'm feeling on Tuesday's nite.... I thought it's going to come but then again.... found nothing the next day.... sigh!

The following day, I do the conventional ways which was advised by my doc few days earlier to do the testing!! And guess what? It's normal! Just one blue line! *lost*...... :(

Aaagrrhhhh...... What does all these means????????????? Dear Jesus, please help!

It's Celebrations Time

Yesterday nite before going to bed I have this strong feeling that I wanted to update my blog tomorrow morning. So this morning, I woke up at 8 a.m. (wow!) usually half an hour late than that :P... I tidy my bed, took my bath, do my breakfast.... and here I am, sitting in from of my lovely HP desktop. I eagerly signing in my blogger account... waiting for it to get connected.... then suddenly, when I was at the Posting Page and I suddenly went blank.... I duno what to write for today?! I was starring at the blank page trying to think hard... **hmm... what was I suppose to write today??**

Well, let's start with this weekend... haha... I know now is too early talking about celebrations but guess what, some people already got me in the celebrations mood. :) This month will be a very hectic yet most productive month for me! :)

For a moment I will be :

- going to 2 weddings this month. One will be in out-of-town around XX km then the following day, I'll be going for another wedding at lunch time!!! :S

- Mom's & hubby's birthday coming soon this end Dec! :D Hv lots to do for their upcoming celebrations... thou I'm not sure what are the itinerary yet! Better start planning now...

- X'mas celebrations hopefully this year my sisters will be able to make it to celebrate together

Well, without further-a-do, do pardon me. I got to chiao now.... Hope you have a nice weekend!

Cheers folks! :)

It's December!

I wonder how time flies so fast... without even noticing that today is already the month of December, 2008! I also strated to notice shopping malls were decorated with ribbons and shinning ornaments.... and started playing those cheerful, warm & romantic X'mas songs.... "Aaaahh!!! it was like candy to the ears!" I mumbled happily to myself while shopping with my hubby. We're busy preparing for X'mas too ! and the New Year and his birthday of course!!! :) I think this month bills will be quite shocking for my hubby when it's deliver to our house... (Dear, it's only once a year.... :P)

Looking back, I'm happy to say I've complished most of the things I wanted to do in 2008... they were namely:

1. Seek closure to a chapter which has been hanging since XX yrs ago & getting rid of those parasites in my life!! It certainly feels good and I'm to remind myself never to look back again!

2. Updating my blog more frequent now than previous year (a pat on my back!).

3. Visited Shanghai (finally!) & Hanoi this year.

4. Bought a Canon DSLR camera & been actively learning how to use all the functions.

5. Learn something about feng shui.

6. Watched some really nice movies e.g. Kungfu Panda, Transformer, the Incredible Hulk, Sense & Sensibility, Sex & the City, Awake, the Dark Knight & Iron Man :) and learn some valuable lesson out of it... One if which - "Yesterday was history, tomorrow is a mystery and today is a gift. That's why it's called the present."

7. Bought an oven & some bakering tools (finally!!!) Looking fwd to release my inner baking skills :P Updates coming soon ya!

8. Also finally, found the matress & bed frame which we were looking for (at an discounted price!!!) ;D

9. Got an experienced (at least this is not "lan-cy") photographer for our anniversary shoot! Haven't seen the outcome yet, but we are getting excited already!!! Price are quite reasonable than the others too! But I had 6 blisters on my feet during the shooting... :( Hope this is woth the effort. *Fingers crossed!*

10. Keke bought an ipod & Coach handbag for me on (well, not exactly "ON" that day but affter a few days lah) my birthday! Finally owned one i-pod at least... yay!!

11. Met for the first time after 10 years of missing news with a childhood friend of mine (since Standard 1) whome moved away to another country shortly after Standard 3.

12. Met a senior friend who has always my companion when we were in tuition classes together during primary years. Now, she's married with a kid second coming up very soon!

On the other hand, there were of course some of the unfortunate things which had happened to me as well....

1. Nearly got pregnant but did not make it....so, still not preganat yet...(!?!?)

2. i-phone not come yet... @#^%&*@!!

3. Flowers I ordered (from a reputable florist) for my shooting is not what I've expected! Total disappoitment!

4. Keke not prepared anything to celebrate my 2008 birthday... :'( not suprising!

5. Car got hit & run incident by a careless lorry Indian driver... "pandi!!"

6. My dearest flower plant (Bougainvillea) died a few months ago :(

7. Big HU-HA at the political arena! A lot of dramas! which lead to ecomony slow down!

8. Not own a house yet...

All in all, what can I say.... Looks like next year going to be another challenging year for me.Well, I guess that's enough to sum up the happenings in 2008 for me at least. Looking forward to this year X'mas celebrations soon! :)

Till then, happy shopping & cherios!